January 11, 2016

The Bachelor: Blinded Me With Science

1/11/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

The first date card of the season brings the group date ladies to Bachelor High, to remember times of sneaking notes into lockers and giving BJs under the bleachers. Professor Chris Harrison hosts the day, not understanding that professors do not teach at high schools but when has logic ever been a part of this show? The girls pair up in elimination style competitions based on classes: making a volcano erupt in science, bobbing for apples in lunch "class", identifying and placing Indiana on a map (major fail), and sinking a free throw in Phys Ed. Amber and Mandi come out victorious as a team, but a hurdle race on the track chooses the ultimate winner AKA homecoming queen. Barefoot Mandi wins the race by a landslide and rides off in a convertible for alone time with Ben, which must suck since it's not even shown. Instead we fast forward to the group date hotel rooftop cocktail party. Despite his insistence there'd be no kissing, Ben smooches with Jennifer who he has bonded with on night one and the girls are far less chill now. Ben kisses Jubilee after she opens up about being adopted from a Haitian orphanage, then kisses JoJo too. Broke that kissing rule of yours rather quick, Benny boy. Not getting kissed is Lace, who apologizes for her drunk bratty behavior, whines to the girls about needing more time, steals more time, still leaves with no kiss. JoJo ends up receiving the date rose.

Caila and Ben go on the ultimate "ride along" for their first date, which is a tie-in for the movie Ride Along 2. Kevin Hart and Ice Cube arrive to be the most hilarious wingmen ever, or I guess interrupters of love. While Ben and Caila try to get to know each other, Kevin interjects his opinions and Ice Cube encourages Ben to purchase condoms and liquor, and eventually leave Ben and Caila in a hot tub at a store that sells hot tubs and jacuzzis. At least this store has a BYOB policy, though they opted for basic champagne instead of Ice T's suggested hard liquor. Bummer. Later, Ben and Caila share a private dinner at either a closed restaurant or movie set, I honestly can't tell. Caila realizes that there aren't picture perfect fairy tale meetings and is just looking for the right person. Ben gives Caila the date rose, which she gladly accepts. The date unfortunately does not end with NWA reuniting for a Bachelor private concert. Nope just Amos Lee, Ben's favorite, playing his guitar and a song I think I've heard in baby commercials. Ben and Caila slow dance, he sings along while Caila pretends she knows the song, and share a kiss.

The second group date girls head to the Love Lab to use science to prove a bond with Ben. There's retinal tests to see if the ladies look at Ben vs. dull ex-Bachelor Sean Lowe or wine vs. beer, Ben sniffing the women to see who attracts him most, and then getting all handsy with Ben on a bed with thermal heating maps to see who has red hot chemistry with Ben and who is a loser. And to add to the awkward, all the girls get to watch! After the tests are complete, the doctor announces to all the girls that Sam has the absolute lowest score with Ben, while overconfident Olivia (who still uses "WINNING!" like it's 2011) has the best score. A thermal heat map would probably show Sam peeing her pants from her humiliation. Ben escorts all the group date ladies to his Bachelor pad to get to know them more, sending the girls into a quiet rage when Ben picks Olivia and they makeout. Amanda finally gets alone time with Ben and shares that she is a single mom of two young girls, knowing this is important to share and he's not scared of kids so they kiss. Ben appreciates Amanda's openness, but still give the group date rose to Olivia, the quickly rising villain of the season.

The cocktail party kicks off with all the girls hellbent on getting their Ben time. Since she was dateless this episode, Ben talks to football hiking Leah first to talk about being interested in learning more about her. Olivia interrupts Leah's time to quickly try to become Courtney Robertson 2.0 with her "winning!" and talking about how Ben is her man already. Dude, they were both Bens too. Find a unique angle, girl. Every girl in the house hates Olivia already so she'll be around forever for TV purposes, though Ben is totally hot for her. Lace calmly confronts Olivia about being a time stealing ahole, then has another awkward encounter with Ben to apologize and tell Ben in detail about awkward childhood photo. Ben isn't anti-photo though and surprises Lauren B the flight attendant with a photo of the first time they met - ummm like 3 days ago? But Santa Ben is not done with gifting tonight! He gives a blue ribbon for the science fair to Lauren H, then makes hair barrettes with Amanda for her girls. 

So did Lace get a lump of coal? Shockingly no, and in fact she gets a rose. We'll call that a producer's pick, right? The drama of the night happens when LB declines a rose from Ben because she realizes that reality TV poly-amorous dating just isn't her scene. LB's leaving allows for one reject to get another chance and that reject is Amber, who cried all episode about not getting a chance to know Ben. The night ends with sending home Sam, who was destined to fail by science, along with Jackie and Mandi.

[All images credited to ABC]