January 4, 2016

The Bachelor: Commence the Ben Puns!

1/04/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 1

Welcome back, Bachelor Nation! It's time to follow another man's quest for love on reality TV and this time around it's Peter Brady doppelganger Ben Higgins. He's 26, tall, cute, and the combination of interesting and bland enough to be a television lead. After showing us what a good basketball loving Indiana boy he's always been, Ben opens up about wanting to find real mutual love. TV is the perfect place to find real love! After seeking the wisdom of his parents, Ben gets advice from "America's favorite Bachelors" including Jason Mesnick, Sean Lowe, and Chris Soules (still ignoring the crops I see). It's a lot of talk about kissing a lot of women, being open with them, and crushing most of their hearts. And with that Ben suits up and heads to the Bachelor mansion for the first of many wild nights.

The show has introduction video packages to many of the women, but I like to skip right to the important stuff: limo entrances. Actually there's a woman who is obsessed with chickens and asks "What comes first - the chicken or the Ben?". Ok back to limos. The very first woman out of the limo is flight attendant Lauren B, the first of a long line of Laurens this season; she gifts Ben with a wings pin. Lace gives Ben the first kiss of the season and yes she is wearing a black lace dress - great branding. Lauren R admits to stalking Ben on social media, Leah hikes a football between her legs, ginger Laura calls herself "Red Velvet", and another Lauren brings the rotten wedding bouquet she caught. The twins get a "No way!" from Ben as in "No way this show isn't going to make me dump one of you on a 2-on-1 date." Mandi wears a giant rose hat on her head, which kinda gives some Georgia O'Keeffe vibes, Izzy wears a onesie, Breanne literally breaks bread to make her anti-gluten statement, Maegan (an abysmal spelling for blogging) brings her mini horse to the mansion. RIP LIL SEBASTIAN, RIP FRENCH BAGUETTE. Sadly the girl on the hoverboard doesn't fall face first on the slicked down driveway. My absolute favorite has to be Joelle who opts to wear a unicorn mask, which is simple and weird. 26 beautiful weirdos in a mansion - what could possibly go wrong?

Ben calls his parents to recap the night, then walks into the mess that is a bunch of desperate lovelorn women near an open bar. Before Ben can even finish his speech, rose hat Mandi steals Ben away for alone time to nag him about flossing. Olivia tells Ben she quit her job as a news anchor to meet him and he's super smitten because she's hot AF. Ben and Caila bond over software sales, which is sooo sexy. All is going well until another limo shows up - WHAAAAAT. It's Becca (yes she's still a virgin since Chris Harrison HAS to ask again) and Amber from past Bachelor seasons (and in Amber's case a summer being rejected in Paradise) and they both want love on TV again. No surprise to any viewer, but the other girls are livid. Lace handles this whole experience the "best" and I mean that in the sense for disastrous TV as she gets slammed on white wine and gets bitchier by the moment. Lace tries to ask for a kiss again, gets denied, interrupted by rose hat, and then an explanation from Ben that he'd like to know her more before kissing. And since Ben went out of his way to pull her aside a second time, Lace feels even more superior.

Chris Harrison does the oh-so-subtle First Impression Rose drop onto the table, which heightens all the emotions in the room. Well that and the ever flowing stream of white wine. Ben gives the rose to former newanchor/model/drop dead gorgeous Olivia. Cue the jealousy! Chris Harrison then clinks the champagne glass to end the cocktail party, and Lace gets annoyed because Ben didn't make eye contact with her. The roses are handed out and despite the lack of eye contact, Lace gets a rose (because TV producers are great). In the process we lost "Red Velvet", the social media stalker, some chick named Jessica, and Breanne the bread murderer. This is a huge pro-gluten stance Ben has taken on night one. But of course, this has to be ALL about Lace who pulls Ben aside again to blab about the lack of eye contact. Ben's like umm there's 26 women in a room chillax. Inside you know he's like, "I've made a huge mistake." For yourself, yes. But for TV? Oh not at all.

[All images credited to ABC]