January 18, 2016

The Bachelor: The Sky's the Limit (And So Is the Date Budget)

1/18/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

Chris Harrison sucks all the life of the room when he drops off the first date card of the episode. Ben takes flight attendant Lauren B to an airport and she's probably like, "Dude can't I get a vacation from work?" But it's not a day at the office, instead they cruise around in a biplane with little to no stunt action. No one hurls on the plane, unfortunately, but I guarantee a girl in the Bachelor mansion dry heaves from stress over seeing the flyover. The plane drops them off in a remote location with not a house or building in sight, but a hot tub strategically placed for romance and makeout sessions. If this is the season that brings back Bachelor cliches like hot tubs and helicopters, I'm all in. As if planes and hot tubs weren't enough seduction, Ben and Lauren B have a private dinner at the Camarillo Ranch House which I guess should mean something? The conversation flows as Lauren and Ben talk about their dads, which leads to Lauren B getting a date rose AND a private concert date by Lucy Angel. Just pretend you know who that is while basking in Lauren B and Ben's growing love.

The group date girls head out on a soccer date, harking back on the good ol' days of Juan Pablo as The Bachelor. Since Ben is no soccer pro like Juan Pabs, he instead brings out pro soccer players Alex Morgan and Kelly O'Hare to give the girls some training before splitting into Team Stars vs. Team Stripes (it's the perfect place for Waldo to hide). Watching Bachelor soccer is as boring as real soccer and I'm counting the minutes until it ends. Hoverboard Rachel ends up injured, maybe because she's not used to walking since she uses so dumb electric skateboard to move. Team Stripes wins the game and more alone time with Ben, sending all the rejects from Team Stars home (no loss there since it's a team made up of women that have had zero Ben time). Don't cry ladies, there's an open bar wherever you go. Team Stripes, AKA the team with girls Ben is actually attracted to, head to their rooftop cocktail party to enjoy more time. Olivia grabs alone time with Ben first, takes him up to a hotel room to kiss, and then lightly taunts the girls from the balcony. Oh that'll endear you to the group! A group with no mercy for Olivia's ugly toes. Amber, the Bachelor franchise veteran, gets the date rose after finally getting time to open up to Ben - and snag a good kiss.

After a total stressfest that she wasn't Ben's type because she's "complicated", Jubilee gets the other 1-on-1 date of the episode. And not just any date... a helicopter date!! Man this episode is a celebration of all amazing Bachelor tropes. Jubilee is quickly viewed as ungrateful by the other girls after a snippy comment about Ben being late and wanting to ditch her date since she's afraid of heights. The helicopter lands at a gorgeous estate that looks like if the Bachelor mansion got a serious upgrade. The fancy caviar is a bit much for Jubilee, a sworn hot dog lover - cue the phallic jokes! Wine and a hot tub help loosen up a nervous Jubilee, who finally begins to connect with Ben who is all smiles around her. There's a nighttime outfit change before a romantic dinner together which is still unfortunately hot dog free. Ben asks Jubilee to open up more about her hesitance to visit Haiti again, which she explains is because of a bad past that's difficult to face since her entire family died except for her. It's heavy dinner talk but Ben is there for her and it's sweet. This emotional discussion bonds the pair and Ben gives Jubilee the date rose and they kiss.

The cocktail party starts on a real downer with Ben losing two people close to him in a plane crash, but apparently the show must go on. Quickly Olivia swoops in and instead of consoling Ben in a time of sadness, uses the time to discuss her cankle insecurity. Thankfully the other women are more sensitive and provide condolences. The girls are stunned Jubilee got a rose, considering how she's become more isolated from the group. Jubilee uses her time to give Ben a massage and help him de-stress on a down night, which escalates to all the women being pissed someone with a rose is getting alone time. Amber decides to make herself the ambassador to confront Jubilee, who isn't having it and locks herself in a room. Ben consoles Jubilee, so the girls get upset, which leads Amber to come upstairs to say they weren't going to confront her - then proceeds to explain that the girls wanted to talk to her, which was clearly going to be a confrontation. Ben shuts it all down because he likes Jubilee's honesty and bluntness. Nice try girls! Lace then decides it's her time to be dramatic one last time, opting to work on herself instead of dating Ben - she leaves the show. Leaving with Lace are Shushanna and Jami, two girls you pretty much forgot about anyways.

Next week: gambling puns about love in Las Vegas!

[All images credited to ABC]