February 29, 2016

The Bachelor: I Love You, Two

2/29/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9

A helicopter drops Ben off in Jamaica, and while it's not a full-on date I'll take any helicopter you give me. Ben thinks Jamaica is the perfect place to find love, like most of the other destinations he's visited. There's a long montage of Ben explaining why he likes each woman and the women wistfully ponder love in various staged moments, but who cares! It's time for overnight dates AKA Fantasy Suites AKA the Bone Zone.

First up is Caila, who goes on rafting trip down the river with Ben. And I don't mean white water rafting, it's like a Tom Sawyer Island raft. Someone on Survivor would kill for this raft. What should be a fun day date on the water is totally uncomfortable with little to no conversation, which Ben accurately deduces that Caila is stressed and nervous. Caila is nervous that there are still two women left and is totally in her head about dropping the "I love you" to Ben. Good thing the day/night is young, so Caila is able to seize the opportunity to tell Ben her true feelings about the process and her feelings for him over dinner. Caila tells Ben she loves him, which wakes him up from his heavy, sleepy blinking. With the Fantasy Suite key accepted, Ben and Caila throw on their swimsuits and make out under fireworks in the ocean, then head to the boudoir for a little "off-camera time." WIIIIINK! They bask in the afterglow the next morning with Caila OK with Ben not saying "love you" back because she just knows he does.

Date #2 is with Lauren B, whose shorts are so teeny and tight I swear it affects the way she walks. Ben and Lauren board a little boat and enjoy actually talking to each other, then land on a little island to help release a nest of baby sea turtles. Hearts melting around the globe! Lauren's heart is melting at the turtles and Ben, who tells her how he cried while talking about her to her sister. Their perfect day ends with kissing under a rainbow, which only means the night will be more perfect. Lauren and Ben take in a local jam band before heading to their secluded romantic dinner, the perfect candlelit setting for Lauren B to talk about her feelings and insecurity of this process. Lauren and Ben head to the Fantasy Suite where she tells him he's the man of her dreams and she's in love with him. But then, WHOA, Ben tells Lauren he's known he's been in love with her for awhile. It's pure joy now as the couple keep saying "I love you" and makeout before closing the sheer curtain of the hotel room. Uh Ben, we can still see you. The next morning they're happy as ever with clothes strewn all over the floor - what a true fantasy!

Ben and JoJo hop into the Sandals Resort helicopter to fly to the NS Falls in Negril for a day of making out by waterfalls, which means an never-ending urge to pee from the sound of cascading water. Despite her nerves to say it, JoJo tells Ben she loves him and doesn't want to even think about losing him. Ben's response, "JoJo, I love you too." Then they make out a bunch. YUP. Oh Ben, you are in a real pickle. At night JoJo and Ben pretend to have dinner which is a good time to discuss the disastrous hometown date with her brothers. JoJo explains they are overprotective and don't want her to return heartbroken. JoJo and Ben obviously use the Fantasy Suite key to head to the Bone Zone to makeout in a tiny pool and then on the bed. It's a great distraction for when you realize you're in for a real shitstorm after telling two women you love them. Their morning is full of kissing, snuggling, and eating fruit salad. It's all so sweet.

Now that he's two "I love yous" deep, Ben knows he is not in love with Caila. So while Ben is thinking about how awkward the Rose Ceremony will be, Caila gets "inspired" to take an Uber to his hotel and visit him. Caila's all giggly as she totally breaks into Ben's AirBnB and BOO! Gotcha Ben! He gets over his initial surprise to have a chat with Caila on a flight of stairs. Ben tells Caila he's in love with two women here and he can't say it back to her and feels bad having to say goodbye to her. "That sounds like a line," Caila says because it is such a show cliche. Caila lets Ben walk her back to the Uber and after a parting goodbye, Caila re-jumps out of the limo and wants to know if he knew this entire week he was going to dump her. Ben says no and says their relationship was important to him. They part with a hug and some tears, before some in-Uber sobbing.

Chris Harrison greets each of the two remaining women individually and gets the gossip that Ben said "I love you" to which he gives a knowing nod and likely holding back a laugh. Both girls are so nervous at the prospect of only two roses until they realize Caila's not coming. Ben comes out not for an elimination but to say JoJo and Lauren B are his final two. Three-way hug of weirdness, bring it in!

[All images credited to ABC]

February 28, 2016

Survivor Kaoh Rong: Cuddlelicious

2/28/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

The Brawn tribe continues to be a hot mess after their first Tribal Council. Alecia fully understands her bottom placement in the tribe and tries to show her worth by spending 6 hours trying to make fire. She eventually succeeds and impresses the tribe, who celebrate by feasting on a chicken, but Alecia didn't do much to change her safety in the tribe. Another person on the bottom of their tribe is Tai, who despite having the most adorable bromance with Caleb, is the likely first boot if the Beauty tribe were to lose. Tai resumes his search for the Hidden Immunity Idol and resists the urge to rip trees from the ground this time to look in tree holes. Voila! It's another clue to the idol which is high up in the trees. With all his might, Tai attempts to climb the tree to fetch the idol but ripped apart bloody feet and the sheer height makes it an impossible task.

The Brains tribe appears to be bonded after their first win, but water causes drama for the tribe this week. Liz insists on boiling the water, while Debbie maintains you can drink it as is. But Debbie is a superwoman afterall. The tribe discovers most of the kerosene they won in last week's Immunity Challenge is nearly gone after Joe uses too much to make a fire, then the bottle tips over and empties most of its contents. Joe and Liz get into a fight over making fire to boil the water, which leads her to cry alone about being thirsty. Drink the tears, Liz - it's hydrating!

The Immunity Challenge this week has the tribes carrying or pushing a big, heavy log through the ocean and between obstacles, ending with shooting a ball at targets via a slingshot. The Beauty tribe is a cohesive group that is able to work together and wins immunity along with a baller fishing kit. Despite the intake of chicken, the Brawns fail to win a challenge yet again and will face Tribal Council. Alecia begins to search for the Hidden Immunity Idol to avoid her inevitable fate. Until something interesting happens: Jennifer doesn't like how Jason does nothing except talk crap about Alecia all day. Jennifer suggests to Alecia and Cydney the idea of getting out the stronger players now and making a move. But then Jennifer changes her mind and decides she'd rather stick with the foursome, which surprises Cydney that Jennifer is flip flopping so much.

Tribal Council time! Alecia hopes that now that she's pulling her weight she might not be the one to go. Jennifer pretty much outs the fact that she has been considering that idea of turning on her core alliance, which shocks them all. Jennifer insists nothing has changed, it was just an idea tossed around and Alecia is the one who suggested the all-girl alliance (and Alecia says it was Jennifer). Jennifer admits her wrong and pleads for the tribe to keep her to stay strong, because having Alecia stick around guarantees another challenge loss. Then Jennifer insists she was trying to give Alecia a nice last day by leading her on, continuing her downward spiral but literally jumping onto her tree stump seat to beg for mercy. Probst is eating it up. It's too late though and the lack of trust in Jennifer gets her voted out of the Brawn tribe.

[All images credited to CBS]

February 27, 2016

The Bachelor: Hometown Date Disasters

2/27/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8

Hometown date week has arrived! The "exotic" date locales are ditched in favor of awkward visits to the four women's hometowns, where Ben has to keep up the ruse of pretending he could potentially marry them all. But first, Ben deeply ponders everything on a rock by the crashing beach waves.

Ben's first hometown date is in Laguna Beach with Amanda, and truth be told I'm pretty disappointed the entire cast of the MTV show didn't crash the date. Instead the date has very special appearances by Amanda's two daughters who get to meet this guy on TV who they could possibly call Daddy Ben some day. Amanda is nervous about how Ben will be with her kids and, of course, he's wonderful as they build sandcastles and chase seagulls. The reality sets in as the kids cry in the car ride to Amanda's parents house and start getting fussy. Ben pastes on his happy face but it's clear he's uncomfortable at times. Amanda's family talk to Ben about the reality of what life with Amanda would be like since Ben would be an insta-dad and his life priorities would have to change. The family isn't totally sold on Ben yet but think he's a catch overall, basically just wanting Amanda to be happy and have a life. The night ends with Ben and Amanda sharing an extremely lackluster kiss that's clear this pairing isn't going to work.

Ben travels to Portland, Oregon to visit the hometown of clear frontrunner Lauren B who is hoping this family visit will lead to a big moment for her: telling Ben she loves him. Before meeting the folks, Lauren gives Ben a tour of Portland which includes food trucks (can someone bring me some Georgian cheese bread?) and this amazing whiskey library. What are the late fees at a whiskey library? Is there no talking there? I have so many questions. Lauren's family wants to protect her since this process moves so fast and introducing a guy she's dated for a month (who is also still dating other people) is a lot of risk. Lauren's sister is skeptical that Ben is saying the same lines to all the families, but once she sees Ben get emotional over Lauren she sees it's more real and eventually gives Lauren her blessing. Ben admits to Lauren's dad that this process is very tough and her cares for Lauren a lot. Since her family was kinda weird Lauren decides not to tell Ben she loves him and instead ends the night with a kiss.

It's off to Ohio for Caila's hometown visit, which is in the place she considers her hometown since she moved a lot as a child. Caila's dad runs a toy company so they visit the factory and build a toy house together, AKA best hometown date activity ever. Until they re-enact the ending of An Officer and a Gentlemen with the factory workers applauding and then I audibly groan. Ben gets to meet his first Filipinos ever and eat traditional food prepared by Caila's mom. Ben explains that Caila doesn't try to say the right things, but says the real things which Ben likes but also is worried she won't reciprocate the feelings. Caila tells her parents that she feels with Ben this is the one, it's love. I'd call this setup to make her the next Bachelorette. With the encouragement from her family, Caila plans to tell Ben she loves him, but stops short because she's afraid to trust him.

The last stop is in Dallas, Texas where JoJo is surprised with a bouquet of roses and a romantic letter... from her ex! Livid at this letter, JoJo calls up her ex about this declaration of love on paper and he responds with lots of corny cliche one-liners that this show thrives on. Ben knocks on the door and a teary JoJo fills him in on her morning mail drama and she's not at all torn, she's 100% into Ben and ended it with the ex for good. The day's drama is far from over though as Ben meets JoJo's overprotective brothers. JoJo tells her mom she is falling in love with Ben and is very afraid of being hurt. But her brothers think she's crazy thinking she's in love after only two solo dates (because group dates don't count in their minds), concerned that Ben isn't as emotionally invested in her. One brother tells Ben he brainwashes the women and doesn't think Ben genuinely cares about JoJo, thinking Ben is coached with lines to use and keep it vague, but Ben insists he cares. The whole family gets involved in the discussion with the parents sort of more into Ben than the brothers. It's all extremely uncomfortable, but Ben takes it in stride and says he'll prove his feelings by actions.

The women all return to The Bachelor mansion for their post-hometown Rose Ceremony, which gets right down to business because there's only 10 minutes left. Ben thanks the women for their families welcoming him and being so open. And then it's time to break hearts. Amanda the single mom is eliminated, but I'm not surprised given how much he's connected with the other women - not to mention the lackluster hometown kiss. Amanda wishes Ben dumped her after their hometown instead of making her fly to LA for a Rose Ceremony, but he insists he wasn't sure. But a kind parting speech leaves them on good terms and Amanda heads off in her limo.

[All images credited to ABC]

February 19, 2016

Survivor Kaoh Rong: Take Cap Off Pen, THEN Vote

2/19/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 1

Sound the conch shell, Survivor is back! With his bright orange baseball cap on, Jeff Probst begins to narrate among the pure chaos of a classic Survivor marooning. The three tribes (Brains, Brawn, and Beauty) have just a few minutes to gather their survival needs and GTFO the boat. Baskets are thrown everywhere, chickens flying away (rescued by beauty tribe Caleb from drowning), and it's general helter skelter. But that's the best part of a premiere! Everyone jumps ship, literally, and gets on their little rafts covered in supplies and makes their way to their new homes.

The Brawns AKA Totang get right to work building their shelter and making alliances. Former NBA player Scot gravitates towards bounty hunter Jason and Jennifer. Cydney and Darnell bond a bit (right before everyone catches him pooping in the ocean - #aquadump). Alecia is on the outside of the tribe since she's hardly brawn compared to the rest. However nothing on this episode compares to the bug crawling and living in Jen's ear, leaving her in excruciating, bleeding ear pain. Totang watches as the bug eventually crawls out of her head and all is well, but like maybe lend a helping hand next time?

Chanloh AKA the Brains has a noticeable age gap and potential alliance of four younger people vs. two older. One said older is Debbie, a true gem of casting, who has held a bazillion jobs, can allegedly make fire without flint, and is the kooky control freak of the tribe. Debbie balances out her nuttiness when she comforts a dehydrated and emotionally distraught Aubry. The Gondol tribe of beauties has a true star and ultimate fan favorite right off the bat: gardener Tai who is protecting trees from Caleb's "murderlizing" and putting the chickens on a leash for freedom. The girls think he'd make a strong addition to gain control of the tribe until Tai is caught literally ripping trees out of the ground to find an immunity idol. Umm, Tai.. the idols are IN the tree holes, you don't need to upend the entire forest. But he's a gardener so at least he can fix it after.

The tribes meet up for the first Immunity Challenge of the season, diving deep into the ocean to retrieve paddles to row them to shore, pushing said boat onto the shore, and completing a crab-shaped puzzle (there was a choice of a dexterity challenge that no tribe picked). While she might've had a crap day of tears, Aubry pulls out a stellar performance for the Brains tribe by retrieving all four paddles and completing the puzzle with Liz - the win immunity and a sweet firemaking kit. Darnell loses the goggles in the ocean, setting the Brawns far back in the challenge that they can't catch up to the Beauty. It's the ultimate Cayagan reversal where this time the Brawns are a disadvantage. Darnell senses he's in trouble after losing the goggles and since no one is talking to him, but he's assured "Blondie" is going. Except Scot tells Alecia she's OK and not to worry, stop scheming - to which she immediately plays coy about finding an idol.

Tribal Council time! Jeff asks Jason about first impressions and very openly discusses the two people in the tribe who stand out: "Blondie" and Darnell. Darnell admits the goggle loss was a key part of losing the challenge, and he volunteered to be the diver so he's in even bigger trouble. Alecia declares she's a "mental giant" which she totally proves when she tries to cast a vote with the pen on. I mean, seriously?!?! Alecia is like "I will try my best!" but is reminded she failed at the puzzle and did nothing else to help win the challenge, either. Darnell is teary eyed about letting down the tribe and hating to lose again in life. The Brawns cast their votes and it's a surprise for everyone tuning in: a 3-3 tie between Darnell and Alecia. An episode one tie?! The tribe revotes and sadly it's Darnell going home first and not the girl who couldn't use a pen properly.

[All images credited to CBS]

February 15, 2016

The Bachelor: Ben Higgins the Hometown Hero

2/15/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7

Continuing his quest for love, Ben brings the ladies to the next exotic destination: Warsaw, Indiana. It's Ben's hometown where he has lots of fond memories, so why not share with the six women he's dating? It's a town that's easier to fake like than Chris Soules' hometown, that's for sure. Ben gives his parents the lowdown on the season because my recaps don't exist for them to get caught up on. He ditches his parents and picks up the girls in a pontoon boat like all ballers do and drops the girls off at their AirBnB.

Ben gives Lauren B, the last Lauren standing, 30 minutes to prep for their date. Equipped in an old red truck, Ben gives Lauren the tour of the town including his high school his church, and where he had his first kiss - where he then gives Lauren a kiss because I guess that's supposed to be romantic. Ben takes Lauren to his most favorite place, the Youth Club where he worked and helped kids, where they play with the kids and introduce them to some Indiana Pacers. Also one amazing kid Ronnie makes a half court shot EASILY, which means Ben has to give Lauren a kiss. This date is a nonstop reminder of Ben being the sweetest guy in the Bachelor universe. Over dinner in the dingiest looking apartment, Lauren and Ben discuss the accusations that Leah dropped last week (that Lauren was phony behind Ben's back). Lauren's worried that Ben has taken this lie to heart and she assures him it's not true, and Ben tells Lauren he trusts her. The night wraps with meeting Ben's friends and getting drunk at a local dive bar. Lauren's officially in love with Ben.

A date in the Windy City leads to the ultimate Chicago Cubs VIP experience for Ben and JoJo's 1-on-1 date. First, the legendary Wrigley Field sign sends the "lovebirds" a personal welcome and then inside they get to walk around and play on the field. An extra gag-worthy touch is their custom jerseys which read "Mr Higgins and "Mrs Higgins" for her. God forbid you make her a jersey in case she isn't picked. Or one that identifies JoJo as herself and not just some dude's future wife. It's a one-and-done shirt for the time being. Ben wants JoJo to know how confident he feels about her and what they have, saying he's the most himself around JoJo. Ooooh a little competition for Lauren B? A romantic table for two is setup in the outfield once the sun goes down, and the conversation gets serious as Ben doesn't want JoJo to shut down and pull away. JoJo's is scared to let her guard down and then not have the feelings reciprocated AKA what this entire process is. JoJo is "Team Ben" all the way and her fear is all gone.

Amanda, Caila, and Becca go on the only group date of the week, rowing paddle boats, flying kites, and pretending to be happy to be on a group date. Ben gives each girl some alone time before he hands out the group date rose, which extends the date for the lucky rose receiver and sends the other two women back to the AirBnB. Becca is frustrated she's not receiving any validation or reciprocation, Caila is insecure about her potentially lackluster hometown, and Amanda is nervous since she's never introduced her daughter's to a boyfriend. Ben shows single mom Amanda his commitment to her and his girls, giving her the date rose. Becca is rejected in a barn for the second time, so she and Caila are sent back home. Ben and Amanda continue their date by having a romantic evening at MCDONALD'S. Man, Ben really is reliving his teen years here in Warsaw, fulfilling his unfulfilled dream of working behind the counter at Mickey D's. It's a heavy-handed product placement for Breakfast for Dinner and you know what... I'll allow it. Also, someone bring me a medium fry. There's one last surprise: a carnival! It's the perfect place to puke up all those fries while falling in love.

The final 1-on-1 date of the episode has Ben taking Emily out on the ol' pontoon and give her a tour of his parent's house. She gets to see his bedroom (I guess returning the favor from raiding her room in Vegas) and then meets his family. It's not surprising one date ended with meeting Ben's family, but it's surprising that Emily of all people got such a big date. She's super flattered to receive such an honor. Emily admits she's young and has dreams (like being an NFL cheerleader), but isn't scared to take big steps with Ben right away and be an "above average mom." She also admits to Ben's dad she doesn't like vegetables. This is all the maturity red flag being raised and Ben's skeptical she's not ready to be a wife. Ben brings Emily back to the AirBnB and while all the girls can overlook from inside the house, Ben dumps Emily because he's not wife material for him. Classy move introducing her to your parents, then! Emily goes inside and cries to the girls, who cry along with her, then she jumps along in an Uber XL home.

As the crisp autumn leaves blow in the wind, both Ben and the girls all feel like something is off. Ben admits he has feelings for most of the girls, but one girl hasn't advanced as much as the others. The first two roses go to the obvious frontrunners: Lauren and JoJo. Amanda has her date rose. Has Ben lost that lovin' feeling for Caila or Becca? The lack of validation is all too clear for Becca as Ben gives the rose to Caila, leaving her heartbroken. And she's actually sad this time unlike the time she escaped the clutches of Chris Soules. Becca is blindsided and hurt, which is surprising since it seemed pretty clear she knew she was an elimination target. But Ben didn't want to bring the family into it if it wasn't certain, which Becca respects. She leaves in a stretch limo and cries in the long backseat about not wanting to be alone.

Next week: hometown dates!

[All images credited to ABC]

February 9, 2016

Survivor: Kaoh Rong Pre-Show Winner Prediction

2/09/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
When winter hits full swing, it's easy to feel down but then I remember the upside: Survivor time! After getting swapped with Second Chance, it's finally time for Survivor: Kaoh Rong to shine and I'm pretty darn excited. Season 32 is Brains vs. Brawn vs. Beauty 2, but the teasers have really shifted focus to the brutal conditions in Cambodia. Will anyone actually survive 39 days to become the Sole Survivor?

And now it's time for the tradition for each Survivor season: Pre-Show Winner Predictions. Every season I pore through CBS.com videos and bios to make my winner prediction.


AUBRY will win Survivor: Kaoh Rong

For the first time ever, I'm pulling out my FRIEND CARD. My real life friend and Survivor superfan Aubry is on the Brains tribe and if I picked anyone else to win I'd be a terrible friend. I'm #TeamAubry all the way and will spend the next few months correcting your spelling of her name on Twitter.

Now it's your turn! Time for YOU to cast your pre-show winner prediction. Who do you think will be Kaoh Rong's Sole Survivor? VOTE BELOW - voting closes right when the east coast premiere begins!

[All images credited to CBS]

February 8, 2016

The Bachelor: Going HAM in the Bahamas

2/08/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6

Last week's episode left us with the cliffhanger of Ben pre-empting the Rose Ceremonyto talk to Olivia one more time. Ben tells Olivia how all the women think she's a different person behind his back, so she does some damage control to cover her butt for being competitive over her Ben love. Olivia wants to have smart conversations and the other women just like to do hair and paint nails. Don't forget enjoy the open bar! Olivia and Ben return, her rose wasn't re-possessed, and the Rose Ceremony begins. A brunette named Jennifer that's had barely any screentime gets eliminated, which is in no way surprising. She's so low key she doesn't even get a goodbye confessional or limo cry. But this is quickly old news because Ben announces they're heading to the Bahamas - wooooo!

Chris Harrison harshes everyone's Bahama buzz to let the ladies know a 2-on-1 Thunderdome date is coming. But Caila doesn't have to worry, as she gets the only 1-on-1 date this week. The girls are pissed that Caila gets a second 1-on-1 date before others get one (AKA Leah who spends the afternoon sobbing in the bathroom, confused, humiliated, and dreading that he'll dump her on a 2-on-1 without knowing her). Meanwhile, Ben and Caila head on a ol' boat to go deep sea fishing and get to know each other without the company of Ice Cube and Kevin Hart. On the night portion of the date, Ben hopes he can see more to Caila than her overly happy exterior. Caila admit she's feels put on the spot to be super emotional with her and she's like ehh give it time, which then leads to her revealing she feels like she is falling in love and fears she'll hurt Ben and break his heart. Caila knows what she's feeling is love since Ben understands her and the conversation is what Ben needed, or he was as confused as viewers were - not really sure. Caila gets the date rose and they make out over their uneaten dinner.

The group date card arrives and Leah isn't getting dumped on the 2-on-1. Nope that honor is saved for either Olivia or Emily, but more on that later. Ben claims the group date is just chilling on a boat but c'mon, a group date is never just taking shots and shooting the shizz. The girls are worried about swimming with sharks but alas, it is the best, most random group date ever: swimming PIGS!!! Guys, my heart grew three sizes and now I have vacation goals which is to swim with the pigs. But not feed them and that is because the pigs go, for lack of a better term, HAM and are nucking futs for food. Also, please tell me those were all beef hot dogs because... cannibalism. Once the pig stuff settles down, Ben gets alone time with the girls and realizes he can't please anyone there. This is mostly because he clearly favors Lauren B and the other girls are threatened by this (Becca eventually confesses this to Ben). Leah is still pissed that Ben chose to not give her a solo date to get to know him - eventually spreading a lie during the night portion that Lauren B is a different person behind his back. Ben tells Lauren B this and she's shocked, spending the remainder of the night sobbing to the other girls while Leah denies any involvement. The uncomfortable night ends with Amanda getting the date rose while Lauren B still has cry eyes.

Lauren B's cry eyes mostly dry up back at the hotel and the girls all agree they know Leah is the one who spread the lie. Leah is still not content with her status after the group date so she gets gussied up and pulls the ol' Bachelor franchise classic: go to the Bachelor's hotel room. Leah wants Ben to get to know her, then tells Ben that she doesn't think Lauren B is genuine. Leah insists she isn't trying to sabotage anybody, but the only person she is sabotaging herself. This conversation only confirms to Ben that something doesn't feel right between them and he's now realizing there's nothing there to hold onto. He dumps Leah right there in his fancy hotel room. Leah realizes all her actions were a big mistake but it's too late. Leah and her rolling suitcase leave for good.

And then finally it's the 2-on-1 Thunderdome date. Two girls enter, only one comes home with a rose! Last episode, Emily is the one who unleashed the anti-Olivia movement to Ben. Now the rivalry comes to a heated climax (and not the Fantasy Suite kind). Well done to producers on this inspired pairing. The choppy water and miserable weather only cements the perfect terribleness of the situation. A boat drops them off on a private little island where a lonely rose sits upon a piece of driftwood. After a few seconds of awkward silence with champagne, Ben starts his alone time with each girl. Olivia tells Ben she's in love with him, while Emily tells Ben she hopes this date is a strong beginning for them. Ben grabs the lonely rose off the driftwood and asks Olivia to come aside, so Emily is immediately dejected. Olivia's confident smile begins to drop though when Ben says he's not reciprocating the level of feelings that she has for him and ends things with Olivia. The fans rejoice. The women in the house rejoice. Ben rejoins Emily and gives her the rose as Olivia watches from the rocky sidelines being drenched by sea spray. Ugh, girl should've brought a raincoat.

Ben decides to put on his fancy suit and walk on the cliffs to get wet, ponder things, and give off a great Rafiki from The Lion King pose sans lion cub. Ben already has his mind made up and cancels the cocktail party, much to the chagrin of the girls who wanted that extra time to schmooze with Ben. JoJo is particular gets really worked up about not being able to talk to Ben and open up more after their mediocre group date time - then gets a rose. It's a battle of the Laurens for the last rose, but it's no surprise that Lauren B gets the last rose and not Lauren H. 

[All images credited to ABC]

February 1, 2016

The Bachelor: The Girls Hate Olivia - Mexico Edition

2/01/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5

The gang departs the bright and shiny hellhole that is Vegas for a trip to Mexico City, because based on his description Ben is super into Mexican politics. The girls are excited for the bidet in the hotel.

Ben decides to wake up the girls at 4:20AM to get a sneak peek at them without makeup, which seems to only backfire on Lauren H. Amanda apparently slept in makeup and is ready to go at the crack of dawn, but she's a single mom so early mornings are probably nothing. Ben and Amanda take a romantic hot air balloon ride where Ben pretends he knows a lot of fun facts about the pyramids. After their day together, Ben and Amanda get real over a private dinner. She's in her early 20s and already a divorced mother of two, which she acknowledges is a lot for a guy to handle. Amanda tells all about her failed marriage and how she felt like a failure, which is a lot of honesty to share on TV and to a guy who is still dating a dozen girls. Ben thinks the other dude was a chump because Amanda is a total catch, then gives her the date rose.

Keeping up with the theme of Ben's suppressed obsession with school, the group date girls take a Spanish lesson to understand the language better. Ben takes turns with each girl practicing ways to say I love you, which Jubilee throws major shade at since the repetitiveness means it doesn't matter. The Spanish lesson is group date foreplay for the good stuff: a cooking competition. Everyone gets paired up and needs to buy ingredients and read a recipe all in Spanish. Surprise, surprise: Olivia jumps on Ben immediately and gets to be his partner - yet another kick in the gut to Jubilee. Surely everyone wants her to fall on the grill or slice off a finger as Ben and Olivia basically have a mini one-on-one. Let the record show all these women are fighting over a Ben who can't even toast bread properly. Jubilee might be miserable most of the day, but her and Lauren B's recipe wins the cooking competition.

As if the cooking competition wasn't long enough, there's still a night portion of this date. IT NEVER ENDS. Surprise, surprise: Olivia interrupts Ben's introduction to grab him first. Ben goes out of his way to have a more special alone time with Lauren B, who he is clearly in love with already and ready to pick her right? Everyone is feeling the heat of Ben preferring one (or a couple) woman more than the others, none moreso than Jubilee who is so uncomfortable that it's painful to watch. Once Jubilee finally gets her alone time she's in a super pissy mood, brushing off an attempt at hand-holding right away. She feels overshadowed by the other girls and their one-on-one was ages ago, but Ben feels like she pulls away whenever he makes an effort. Ben admits that he doesn't think anything more will happen in their relationship and ends things with Jubilee, sending her home immediately. Jubilee gets into an ugly taxi because I guess Uber isn't around there and then cries in her interview that she's unlovable. But America loves you Jubilee and I do too! Ben comes back to tell the girls what happened with Jubilee, so JoJo decides this is the ideal moment to interrupt and take him aside. While she means well to make him feel better, girl get some time tact. To end the night on an even worse note, Ben gives the group date rose to Olivia. Worst date ever.

Lauren H is ecstatic for her one-on-one date, proof that Ben wasn't terrified of the sight of her at 4:20 in the morning with her retainer in. Ben explains that Mexico City is one of the fashion capitols of the world, which is news to me but he is the guy that's been reading guidebooks for a week. Trying on silky ponchos and checking out the design studio isn't enough - Ben and Lauren H get invited to walk in the fashion show which they passably do with their amateur walks. Keeping up the act of being models, Ben and Lauren H don't eat a single bite of food on the night portion of the date. Ben is really feeling out whether he sees a romantic future with Lauren H, which is clearly no since she's had little to no time with him compared to the other girls. Lauren H admires Ben's honesty with Jubilee which I hoped was a wonderful piece of foreshadowing. Lauren opens up to Ben about her ex cheating on her and has been afraid to really date again. Ben is able to see a new side of Lauren that apparently doesn't include dumping her on this date, instead giving her the date rose and kissing while a random stranger plays the harp on the street.

And now the drama. Despite allegedly having the best connection ever with Ben, Olivia is super dense about his connections with other women. On her shitlist this week is Amanda, who she believes isn't the right fit for Ben since she already has two kids. The girls are getting totally fed up with her behavior, and that hatred is only sealed with Olivia makes a really poor Teen Mom joke about Amanda to her face at the cocktail party. This is the breaking point for Emily who does the #1 Bachelor mistake ever: talks shit on the girl the Bachelor likes. Ben wonders if maybe the Olivia he's seeing is different than the one girls see (and hate). Olivia cuts in to Emily's time to give Ben a ring and manipulate her way back into Ben's good graces. Ben is not quite a natural interrogator, trying his hardest to ask questions about house life and he's not getting the answers. Ben changes the suspect to question and asks sweet Amanda, who says she has felt targeted by Olivia before. Soon more girls are telling Ben their anti-Olivia sentiments and Ben's head is full of questions. The rose ceremony is about to begin but Ben asks for time alone with Olivia and it's... TO BE CONTINUED! Will Olivia lose her rose? Will the villain triumph like they usually do? Until next week.

[All images credited to ABC]