JoJo's first date card arrives with quite the bang: a fiery explosion in a limousine. Please tell me there wasn't a day late candidate arriving. Oh phew, it's a stunt and it all ends with a firetruck pulling up the driveway and sexy firefighter JoJo arriving to save the day with a hose. The group date guys are whisked away to compete in firefighter training drills. Wells gets alone time with JoJo first with an unconventional approach: get so dehydrated that a bunch of firefighters make you sit down and drink a bottle of water. Take what you get! Grant the actual firefighter slaughters the competition and supposedly wins more time with JoJo, but since everyone gets alone time it was kinda pointless. At the night portion of the date, Grant gets the first kiss of the evening and Luke mopes about his lack of JoJo time. DUDE, every single one of you gets alone time - have some patience. When Luke gets his alone time, he opens up about his military background and desire for a relationship. Then they kiss on the balcony so can Luke now shut up about not getting enough time with JoJo. But it's the upset of the night when Wells the dehydrated guy gets the rose. Play the slow game, Wells. Do your thang.
Derek receives the first one-on-one date which is Choose Your Own Adventure style with options like Air or Sea and North or South. Their many choices lead them to a romantic wine picnic for two at the Golden Gate Bridge. After the fastest day date to ever air, JoJo puts on a shimmery black dress for s romantic outdoor dinner by a reflecting pool. JoJo continues her trend of wanting to know about past relationships, which leads to Derek talking about having a hard time opening up after his last failed relationship - the ol' Bachelor cliche. JoJo relates since her last ex led her on on national television and dumped her. JoJo gives Derek the date rose and they kiss as silhouettes in front of a beautifully lit fountain.
If you're wondering who this season's douche is, it's Chad. The almighty Chad feels he's better than everyone else in the house, spending his time alone and building free weights out of his luggage to pump himself up. I mean, I don't totally disagree with avoiding a dozen men writing songs about JoJo under the influence of an open bar. He's annoyed that everyone is obsessed with JoJo without fully knowing her and I understand and agree with his point, but it's his total lack of tact that makes him horrendous. Chad does have one friend in the house: Daniel the Canadian, who still things the "Damn Daniel" meme is funny. More on Chad's douchiness later.
The final date of the episode is a group date at the most brotastic place ever: ESPN's office. The hosts of SportsNation allegedly want to help JoJo find love by testing and power ranking the guys with BachelorNation drills. These drills include humiliating endzone rose dances, dizzy bat proposals, and a press conference to answer uncomfortable questions. SURPRISE! Chad is a mega a-hole on this date too, going so far as calling JoJo "naggy". Chad's blunt honesty gets his power-ranked in the number two spot, but James Taylor is the number one guy in this group. The date moves onto the night portion where JoJo wears a sweater with a lot of dangling yarn in Houdini's backyard. As JoJo gets alone time with each of the guys, Chad narrates commentary about how much he hate everyone. Like, not even trying to be likable at all. Chad shows his human side when he talks about losing his mom and inheriting her little Yorkie, which is enough to charm JoJo into a kiss by a wishing well. Chad's officially a JoJo convert so maaaaaybe he'll be less judgey? Doubtful buy hey, dream big. It's not enough for the date rose though, which goes to James Taylor after really opening up emotionally to JoJo.
It's time for the cocktail party and before JoJo can even get inside, Chad steals her away for some private time/early damage control and the guys are annoyed. Chase didn't get a date this week, so surprises JoJo during alone time with fake snow and mittens to give some info on his wintery background. Meanwhile, the guys hold a Chadtervention to get answers because I guess these guys have never seen that producers set all this drama up. He's too busy chomping down protein to care, yet cares enough to complain about how other guys having fun is immature. Chad interrupts Alex's alone time, THEN interrupts Evan's alone time. Dude has NO CHILL. Guys, it's time for another Chadtervention. Alex asks Chad to chillax a little, that his constant interruptions are probably weirding out JoJo too. But at the Rose Ceremony of course Chad isn't eliminated because his narrations of sick burns can't be gone so soon. Eliminated this week is James the Bachelor Superfan (send him to Paradise to meet Jorge!), the Hipster, and that guy with the fortune teller last week.
Next time: Chad is still pissy.
[All images credited to ABC]