July 30, 2016

Big Brother 18: A Frankly Obvious Week

7/30/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5

Weeks of teasing finally ends and the Battle Back competition for a second chance at Big Brother 18 begins. In order to get a spot back in the house, the first five evicted houseguests have to win head-to-head competitions using recycled sets, the sloppy seconds from the real houseguests that aren't losers.  Or maybe these were filmed first in some cases? IDK. Glenn and Jozea participate in the first competition to cross logs and retrieve 20 berries (sound familiar?), sadly Jozea's arrogance doesn't take him down and he wins the first Battle Back. It's onto round 2, where Jozea and Victor bounce tennis balls to knock down giant rackets of their opponents face. Victor is victorious, moving onto round 3 against Bronte, which is to look at a bunch of bad Photoshopped photos (sound familiar?) across several monitors and answer questions about those photos. Victor wins again and advances to the last Battle Back against newly evicted Tiffany to put together a giant puzzle while also scaling a wall. Victor keeps the winning streak alive and earns his spot to re-enter the Big Brother house. Julie Chen tells the houseguests about the big twist and they're shocked, which is kinda insane since people always return to this game. The doorbell rings and it's Victor and the house is excited... but that's nothing compared to the fact that there's a secret room in the house with another twist.

The house cheers and shouts about Victor's return, which I guess is a better option for most of them since Victor is so basic. Victor's the easy target for the houseguests, but Frank quickly trying to snake Victor to his side only reaffirms the house's goal to get out Frank. Therefore the HOH competition is even more crucial towards retaining the power. The rave-theme HOH competition is re-using the Battle Back set but this time is all about endurance of holding one hand over their head while stepping over a light cable; drop you hand and get confetti all over you and be a loser. I'm still trying to figure out why the whole backyard has ball pits when they're basically on little podiums the whole time. I digress. There's a lot of shuffling of feet and tripping over wires. Frank tries to make a deal with Da'vonne but she refuses to trust Bridgette, though she learns in the process that Nicole ratted out Da's game plans to Frank. Nicole poorly denies. It's agreed to throw the competition to James, who says he won't put them up, and is rewarded with a kiss from Natalie.

After the competition, Nicole tries to save face with Da'vonne while still trying to control her horrible lying face. Nicole realizes that trusting Frank is a terrible idea for the 50th time. The house begins to discuss who to nominate and Paul makes the point that Bridgette is a tough competitor (she lasted over 6 hours and had a dud ankle!) and they still want Frank gone. James wants to honor the deal to protect Bridgette but nominating Frank and Victor instead, but the house would prefer the pair go together so they can't save each other. Eventhough Bridgette and Frank aren't targeting him at all, James decides to follow the wishes of the house and nominate the twosome.

Bridgette is hurt that James lied to her face, while Frank is annoyed that she is nominated beside him and got betrayed. They hope that maybe they can win the veto and get Da'vonne targeted instead. But first they'll have to please Otev the "dopest DJ" frog, reusing this rave set they spent so much money on. Like every other time we've encountered Otev, the houseguests have to retrieve answers to a musically-delivered question and not arrive last. Frank hopes for redemption the last time he faced Otev he failed and got eliminated (better luck your third time, Frank). Michelle wins the veto and defeats her personal house enemy Bridgette, which means Michelle can leave nominations the same.

Frank tries to get Michelle the superfan to flip and make good TV, and the offer is tempting as she's love to see Bridgette go and partner with Frank. But also Michelle knows the whole house would turn against her. Paul is infuriated that Frank is campaigning to save himself and get someone else nominated and pops off on him. A lame house meeting ends with Frank fully aware that he's the target and going home, not Da'vonne. Bridgette decides to finally confront Michelle for treating her like crap all summer, which Michelle eventually attributes to Bridgette being a threat and stealing her BFF. They get nowhere, the veto goes nowhere, and nominations stay the same.

Frank and Bridgette mourn the fact that their friendship is being broken up, while Michelle ugly cries about losing Frank who she actually likes. But hey, maybe Frank could be saved by the latest twist. The living room TV tells the houseguests there are clues all around the house, so everyone starts looking in every trunk and hole in the house. Paul is the first one to fully #CrackTheCode first and YA BOY inputs the correct secret code (Paris) into the upstairs pay phone to learn there's a secret room. After enough distraction, Paul is able to get back into the phone booth to open the secret tunnel and crawl to the secret room. The room is decorated as "Paris" AKA a garden and there are 12 Big Brother Airline tickets available and one lucky ticket the Round Trip Ticket that, upon eviction, lets them re-enter the game immediately (until August 18). Paul claims he won the chance at a trip, but is so bad at lying that everyone figures out they can all keep trying to enter the room. Eventually, everyone gets into the room and grabs their Big Brother Airlines ticket including Frank and Bridgette. And THAT'S why you should keep a secret better.

Before the live vote, the "returners" (please stop, Chenbot) get segments about their former tightest allies and it's as useless as you imagine. Frank is evicted unanimously and gets to see Julie's "pretty" dress in person (it looks like a tailored potato sack). He takes his exit like a champ, especially since he's known for like 4 or 5 days he was done for. As for his Big Brother Airlines flight: it's a one-way ticket home. Frank believes bringing up Da'vonne as a target too early was definitely a contributing factor to his demise. Also: his big mouth.

The episode ends with the "Perfect Shot" HOH competition to roll their ball as far as they can. The catch is they can practice as much as they want with a yellow ball, but they have only one attempt with the red ball. The goal is to make the perfect shot into the 21 slots, or else get the highest score. But since they got as much time as they want to practice, this could be a long night of live feeds. We end this week with yet ANOTHER twist, this one where viewers can vote for houseguests to receive Care Packages that'll give them an advantage in the game. So much more summer to get through.

[All images credited to CBS]

July 26, 2016

The Bachelorette: JoJo's Men Tell All About How Much They Hate Chad

7/26/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
The Men Tell All

The reunion begins with the Bachelor in Paradise preview which looks IN-SANE (it starts next week). We need insane after this horrendous season of The Bachelorette. After a long commercial break that had the worst "Bleachable Moment" segment of all time starring last season's twins and forgettable Vinny, the men are all introduced. Wells gets the biggest cheers because he should've been a Bachelor candidate, instead sent off to Paradise to potentially seduce crybaby Ashley I. Chad isn't on stage but don't worry, he's there and will be the sole conversation point of the evening. However the other season instigator, Alex, gets confronted for his bad behavior too. Alex feels he was being honest but the guys felt all his energy was spent on hating Chad or Derek.

Chad is unleashed from his trailer like a wild bull heading into a rodeo, strutting and whistling until he hits the hot seat. He insists everyone hated him because he was real and the rest were fake and aiming for showbiz dreams. Since being on the show, Chad has dated Grant and Robby's exes which I guess is the ultimate long con. Saint Nick takes off his blazer to pretend he's going to fight Chad. I don't know why everyone is trying so hard to be seen - Bachelor in Paradise already filmed! The guys didn't appreciate the guy Chad blew them off and refused to befriend them in any way. Chad spills all the tea like Robby threatened the ex/Chad, Jordan wants to be a sports broadcaster, and lots of other stuff I'm tired of typing. They address the Chad/Evan rivalry which includes showing the actual footage of the bumping and shirt ripping. Did Evan ever get a new shirt? One of life's greatest mysteries. Wells admits the guys antagonized him, but it was deserved. Thirty minutes devoted to Chad because nothing happened this season. 

Conversation finally moves away from Chad and onto JoJo's jilted loves. Luke has to discuss his shocking airport hangar dumping after waiting too long to express his feelings. He still loves JoJo now but realizes he should've been more expressive. Luke has learned to love again which is the ultimate phrase to say if you want to be cast as the Bachelor. And Chris Harrison fishing for answers about Luke looking for love and the opportunity for it only confirms Luke is a top contender even if he's like watching paint dry. Continuing the quest for blandest man on the show, the audience goes crazy for freshly dumped Chase who still can't over getting offered the Fantasy Suite and then dumped in it as soon as he said "I love you." If she knew she wasn't in love with him, why offer him the Bone Zone key? 

Good thing Chase can get some closure when JoJo comes to the hot seat! She admits it's hard to re-watch breaking hearts but learned from her first time getting heartbroken by Ben to be honest and not lead people on. JoJo isn't sure if she heard "I love you" sooner from Luke if it would've changed things, but she knew she had to stick to her gut and eliminate him. Luke is thankful 100x over and keeps rambling so people can be more convinced he should be Bachelor. JoJo tells Chase that if she spent the night with him after "I love you" and dumped him the next day it might've been worse, but does feel bad bringing him to the Fantasy Suite to crush hie dull heart. It's not all kissing JoJo's ass because Chad is still there and hasn't talked in 37 minutes, throwing allll the shade. JoJo dismisses him and moves onto getting her ego stroked by everyone else, except Vinny's mom because for some reason this franchise wants Vinny to happen?  Then Chris Harrison said, "Let there be bloopers!" and we all fake laughed. What a lackluster night to be the penultimate episode to a lackluster season.

Next week: JoJo pick between two guys with the same haircut.

[All images credited to ABC]

July 25, 2016

The Bachelorette: Cut to the Chase

7/25/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8 - Fantasy Suites

When we last saw The Bachelorette, JoJo was squatting by an airplane hanger crying over her tough decision. She regains composure and comes back to the Rose Ceremony and stands firm in her original thought: she dumps Luke. Man, I thought this was all clever editing but nope. JoJo wasn't ever fully sure how Luke felt and it was apparently too late, and he's shocked that their chemistry wasn't enough. He's flabbergasted, she's got a weird laugh cry - it's all terrible.

But forget the heartbreak, it's time to bang three guys with the same haircut in Thailand!

First up is JoJo's date with Robby and I'm just as shocked as you guys that he's still around and there's a good chance he'll have sex with JoJo. They walk around a busy market to try local food and avoid the torrential rain by getting pedicures. JoJo hasn't told Robby she loves him, but she appreciates his openness and honesty. They make out while the rain pours around them and I truly do not care. The monsoon stops for their sexy dinner, which is the day number anniversary of when JoJo told Ben she loved him. JoJo loves the trust (or flattery) of Robby's constant outpourings of love and is apparently over the whole you-dumped-your-ex-not-long-ago thing. They forgo their individual rooms to take up the Fantasy Suite offer which means BONE ZONE! JoJo also says she knows she's in love with Robby and seriously people, if she picks Robby I will feel so trolled. But JoJo won't say she love you to everyone willy nilly like a certain Bachelor, sticking to he guns she'll say it to the one man she wants to be with.

Jordan is escorted by boat to meet JoJo at a gorgeous island for a rigorous hike, and thankfully production brought him sneakers since he arrived barefoot. Their trek eventually takes them to a gorgeous cave and a temple at the bottom, which means no funny business you sexy, sexy reality stars. JoJo and Jordan discuss her family and the overprotective brothers sure to grill him to an uncomfortable level. JoJo still fears that he's not fully ready for a forever commitment and is afraid to trust him. At dinner, JoJo starts drilling Jordan on what the future in one year would look like and he doesn't have a good answer which scares JoJo who is worried about this long distance thing. She's not ready for another Ben-level heartbreak. Jordan reassures JoJo he's in love with her and that's all JoJo needs before heading to the Bone Zone, I mean Fantasy Suite. Apparently it went reaaaaal well but c'mon, we're not surprised.

Chase receives the last date of the night and I honestly considered just taking a nap through this human Ambien. But alas I must recap it. Chase rides up on a scooter like he's from Grease 2 and a coooool rider. The date consists of smelling fish, tongue kissing heavily, spotting monkeys at sea (but not sea monkeys), and making out in the ocean. Before JoJo and Chase head to the night portion of the date, they go to their hotels and get changed which is a great time for Robby to pop on in to give a "Hello, I love you" visit and completely throw of the flow of my recap. But back to Chase and his boringness, which JoJo points out was the most playful day with him. Chase gets lots of voiceovers like he's going to get dumped any minute now, but NO! JoJo is very happy for a trip to the Bone Zone with Chase and he tells her that he's in love with her officially... and she realizes she's not into him. She needs to excuse herself to get some air and returns to break the news that his declaration of love didn't elicit the reaction she hoped in herself. Chase downs the rest of his champagne and tries to escape the humiliation but she won't stop rambling and Chase isn't having it. Guys, Chase has a personality! She tries to smooth it over but he's embarrassed he said "I love you" only to be dumped minutes later. This drags on for an uncomfortable amount of time but enough time for me to wonder where has Chase's personality been all season? Was it hidden to make this blow-out spectacular?

The next day, JoJo is OK with her decision to dump Chase and looks forward to having a Rose Ceremony to allow Robby and Jordan the chance to both accept roses. The guys are surprised to see JoJo enter before Chase which they realize can't be a good sign for him (but a great sign for them). Just as JoJo begins to tell the guys about how horribly Chase took the breakup, he waltzes down the steps to the Rose Ceremony. Chase apologizes for his anger but he was genuinely shocked, but he is not mad at JoJo and wants the best for her. YAWN. Chase leaves and JoJo cries more about not being able to fall in love with Chase. The Rose Ceremony resumes with JoJo telling Jordan and Robby that her feelings are strong for both of them, and both accept their roses of course.

[All images credited to ABC]

July 24, 2016

Big Brother 18: Tiffany's the Target - Take 2

7/24/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4

Frank enters the house after the HOH competition pissed that the vote didn't go his way, but also praising the BB gods that the team twist makes him safe this week. It's all a passive aggressive until Frank, Tiffany, and eventually Da'vonne all go at it after Frank out's that Da'vonne exposed Tiffany's plans for a girls alliance. Da'vonne and Frank make fake amends but both have each other on their radars. Despite the group saving Tiffany, she isn't embraced by the house and only becomes more isolated, defensive, and emotional. Like blotchy ugly cries. A volatile Tiffany begins to go off, outing Frank's enemy #1 status directly to him, outing the allies that betrayed him, and confronting Da'vonne about everyone cutting her out and keeping her to spite Frank. Da'vonne pleads with Tiffany to not explode emotionally and instead use the knowledge to improve her guy. Guys, I don't know if I can handle this Tiffany drama for the whole summer.

While Paulie didn't want to win HOH, he has the power again and this time the shot against Tiffany won't miss. Paulie nominates Natalie and Tiffany for eviction, citing that Tiffany plays like her sister which is rich coming from the only BB sibling in the house. There's one more nominee seat to fill and in a perfect display of BB justice, Tiffany wins the BB Roadkill competition to hang the most BB air fresheners while doing some Entrapment maneuvers under poles. Tiffany's ready to take a shot against her former allies and since Paulie is safe, she aims for someone he's close to: Corey. Cue a relieved Da'vonne who was worried she would be nominated, but for now Tiffany and Da' are good but this house changes every twenty minutes.

Nicole ugly cries that Corey is nominated because she feels it's the equivalent of targeting her, plus he's her best friend/showmance. Despite Paulie straight up calling out Tiffany for being the Roadkill winner, Corey ignorantly believes it was Frank. Frank tries to get back in good graces with Da'vonne and the house notices their socializing, wondering if maybe Da' is a good alternate target. Paulie, Corey, Tiffany, Natalie, Da'vonne, and Paul compete in this week's adorably sweet veto competition. The backyard looks like a wonderful candyfest and the houseguests compete in a head-to-head battle to transfer giant ice cream scoops to match a screen. This extremely delicious veto competition is won by Corey who wanted to throw it to Paul the Muffin Man but "YA BOY" went too slow and Paulie clearly throws it to Corey in the final round. Corey's win means that Roadkill winner Tiffany will get to choose the replacement nominee and Da'vonne worries the only target bigger than Tiffany is her. In yet another bitter outrage, Tiffany outs all of Da'vonne's alliances including the Fatal 5 and the group with the showmances. Sensing the lack of trust in Da' and knowing the house might rally to her cause, Tiffany does nominate Da'vonne for eviction who responds with a flip of her hair.

Da'vonne laughs off her threat status while Tiffany continues to focus on Da's hair flip barely touching her. There's a movement growing, led by Frank and Tiffany, to turn the house against Da and get her out instead. Paulie insists that as HOH he will continue to target Tiffany and if a tie occurs, he'll still boot her though he's surprised to hear Da'vonne has told a lot of his plans and secrets to Tiffany. Da'vonne makes it even worse by telling James, who is in a showmance or whatever we're calling it, that she wants to target couples. But hey, what fun is showing the house strategize and flip over and over when you could show Cody and Vanessa talk about their siblings??

The houseguests give their "brief" final pleas before the live voting begins and the whole house chooses to evict Tiffany. Julie Chen asks Tiffany about making the unholy alliance with Frank, which Tiffany pins on Da'vonne starting trouble between them. While the legacy of Vanessa was a lot of hold over her, Tiffany felt she still played her own game. But of course we know her chance to keep playing isn't totally over as the Battle Back is happening and she could return to the game. Ugh, please no. I thought Tiffany had a lot of potential, but her volatility was a liability to everyone's game.

With the Battle Back looming, the show gives each of the first four evicted to tell how they've changed and who they'll target in the house. BUT FIRST, the team twist must end which Julie Chen reveals to the house. Also dead is the Roadkill competition, which means back to the classic two nominees but more twists are coming. Like we expected anything else.

[All images credited to CBS]

July 18, 2016

The Bachelorette: Final Four, Total Bore on Hometown Dates

7/18/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7 - Hometown Dates

The hometown dates begin in Colorado, home of broken home Chase who has divorced parents. It's snowy and sunny so either it's that awesome Aspen Extreme way of life where you can ski and wear bikinis or they're faking the funk for TV. JoJo appreciates Chase opening up more to her and sharing more about his past. Chase's dad swings by his house to meet JoJo, which is more therapy for Chase to ask his dad why his first marriage didn't work out. Always great convo to have when trying to impress a woman! Chase's snoozefest of a hometown continues on to the night at his mom's house with the rest of his family. JoJo talks to his mom about his walls which is MORE divorce talk for this downer of a date. It's hard for Chase to say I love you because, as a reminder, his parents are divorced and therefore he's more guarded. After getting mom's approval, JoJo and Chase head outside and he tells JoJo he's falling in love with her.

Then it's off to Chico, California to get a tour of Jordan's high school, where all super cool dudes bring their girlfriends to makeout on library book stacks and meet his old coaches. JoJo decides to make it awkward by bringing up his famous brother, which is probably the only reason he was cast on this show. Aaron won't be present at today's meeting and instead JoJo gets to meet Jordan's parents and other non-famous brother. JoJo decides making Jordan uncomfortable about Aaron isn't enough, asking the other brother Luke about it too. JoJo raves about how much she cares about Jordan, and even his mom notices how Jordan is glowing and happy. They shoehorn in Aaron's name a few more times before the date starts to wrap up. JoJo is scared that Jordan might not be ready for forever and she wants to tell Jordan she loves him, but also doesn't want to pull a Ben and not pick the person she says "I love you" to.

Robby lives in St. Augustine, Florida which I guess is one reason to have such a terrifying tan. JoJo whistles and is surprised with a horse-drawn carriage ride to take in the beautiful town while inhaling the scent of horse poop. While JoJo definitely likes Robby, she's still a bit weary about his last relationship ending so soon before this show and he dropped the "love" word the earliest. Robby assures JoJo it's all in the past, the past being like 3 months ago, but we know this drama is far from over on the hometown date. Robby's family toasts JoJo's arrival and they all love her immediately. Never one to shy away from uncomfortable, JoJo asks Robby's mom about the ex and if maybe he'll regret not getting "me" time between relationships. Then JoJo tells the mom she's falling in love with Robby and that's the most shocking thing to me this season because the connection seems so inauthentic. Robby gets some big news that his ex-girlfriend's roommate started a rumor that he dumped her to be on the show and decides to tell JoJo immediately. This revelation riles up JoJo again who doesn't want to be played and Robby insists it's not true and he's there for the right reasons. Robby worries that all of JoJo's doubts about him are a bad sign.

Hometown dates wrap up in Texas, the home state of both Luke and JoJo. It's quite the drive to meet Luke's family which is a big family BBQ that also include friends that are like family. Great, now all I want is ribs, cornbread, and Coke Zero in a solo cup. She's comfy in Chambray, he's dressed like a picnic cloth - it's a casual day. Luke hopes today will be the day he can tell JoJo he loves her, as his dad tells him to not rush it because of a timeline (AKA TV deadline) and say it when it's right. JoJo hits it off with the family so Luke takes her off for a surprise: horses to ride and not spoon! JoJo wonders if Luke does love her and he tells her how much he sees a future and he's scared to say such big things. He does some of his classic face grabbing and lingering kissing to show his feelings, which leads JoJo to cry who wishes there was more time to be together. Luke has one last power move on the date: an aisle of candles leading to a flower pedals scattered in a heart shape. It's the TV-perfect place to say "I love you" over booming country music except he doesn't say it.

The final four arrive for the Rose Ceremony at an airport hangar, the ideal place to get dumped because you get on that first plane to Paradise. Every guy narrates how nervous they are before JoJo arrives is a shimmery royal blue gown. JoJo comes into the Rose Ceremony with her mind made up: she needs to let go of Luke. But when the Rose Ceremony begins, Luke asks for a moment. He finally tells JoJo that he does love her and is in love with her, since he didn't say it when he should have in Texas. This changes everything for JoJo who is so torn between four different men, ending the episode with a crying mess of a JoJo squatting outside an airport hangar with a big decision to make.

[All images credited to ABC]

July 17, 2016

Big Brother 18: Broken Ankles, Shattered Alliances

7/17/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

Bridgette is so excited to be HOH and so is the Spy Girls alliance. But the 8 Pack is bummed that they've lost the chance to get Frank out of the game since the entire Category 4 is safe too. Despite Bridgette's idea of nominating brewing snoozemance, I mean showmance, Corey and Nicole, Frank has other plans. He's all good with Bridgette's suggestion of Tiffany, his personal adversary, but suggests Paul as a pawn yet again to protect the 8 Pack sans Tiffany. Another week of Frank running shizz - snooze! He's acting like the king of the BB house, claiming he's funny when in fact he's more asshole than class clown. The whole house is tired of his "humor" and rude comments. Da'vonne gets upset with his chauvinistic comments and put downs, but it all takes a big turn for the worse when Frank slaps Da on the butt. Frank apologizes to Da'vonne after explaining butt pinching is a family thing and she accepts his apology... but the target is still very much there for next week.

After all the drama, the nominations happen just the way the ol' butt slapper wants them: Bridgette nominates Paul and Tiffany for eviction. Bronte informs Bridgette that the whole house thinks Frank made her picks but don't worry, next week it'll all fall back on Frank and not her. And Frank has only more secrets to hide when he wins the BB Roadkill competition again, which had the houseguests matching a sequence of car horn toots. The house totally figures out he won the power after a classicly terrible Frank joke to try to shake off attention, and he confides in the 8 Pack but not Bridgette. Frank's Roadkill nomination is Bronte, Bridgette's BFF and tightest ally besides him. Smooth move Frank. But hey, at least Spy Girl Natalie is in the clear to keep flirting with James.

Bronte is upset she is the Roadkill nominee and her ally Bridgette is livid that someone undermined her HOH. LOL it's your tightest ally who screwed you over! Feeling isolated and like she's holding in a huge secret, Bronte confides to her fellow Spy Girls her secret: she's an aspiring mathematician, not an uneducated child care provider. This is apparently earth shattering news that Bronte is actually smart, leading to squeals of delight and an "us three to the end!" shout. Good luck with that. Frank comes up to the HOH room and pretends he didn't just totally screw over the Spy Girls, assuring them he'd play in the veto to save Bronte. Worried for the safety of his flirtmance, James tells Natalie that they can't trust Frank because he won the Roadkill competition. Natalie wishes Bridgette would see that Frank is manipulating everyone, but that's how Bridgette feels about James so I guess it's all even and who cares, this alliance sucks.

The Outback Steakhouse sponsored Power of Veto competition is for the houseguests to mix ingredients based on a sequence displayed. Get it wrong and you get glitter and paint bombed. "Sassy" is one of my favorite ingredients as well, Big Brother. Bridgette wins the veto, breaks her ankle in a lame celebratory back-to-back jump, and wins an Outback Steakhouse dinner along with her team and another of her choosing (Have Nots Big Sister which is Da'vonne, birthday girl Zakiyah, and Paul if you forgot the stupid team names). Bridgette would like to use the veto to save Bronte, but it's possible that if used then Natalie would be chosen as the replacement nominee by the "anonymous" Roadkill winner. Bridgette trusts Frank even more after he admits that he won the Roadkill competition this week and that very week (when he nominated Bridgette herself). Knowing that this week's target is Tiffany and they have the numbers to protect Bronte, Bridgette does not use the veto and keeps nominations the same.

The veto is unused so Frank is lazily confident that his target Tiffany will be going home. Da'vonne wonders if voting out Tiffany is a bad move since she wouldn't target the Fatal 5 and she's hellbent on getting Frank out. Most of the group know she's not a threat to their group, but Paulie keeps stressing that she's Vanessa 2.0 and will be furious knowing she was the actual target. Then there's the looming question of once Tiffany is gone, who is Frank's target? Well that's easy to know because Frank is thinking ahead and would like to get out Da'vonne, and proposes a side alliance between himself, Bridgette, Nicole, and Corey. But when Frank shares the plan with Michelle, outing Nicole in the process, he has no idea the big mistake he made because Michelle is extremely close to Da'vonne. This wrong move is all it takes to finally set in motion the plan to keep Tiffany and evict Bronte to throw off Frank and Bridgette.

Before the vote, the nominees give their speech which is Paul using his "Friendship!" catchphrase and Bronte just babbling about thank yous and good times. But it's Tiffany who brings the heat, calling out the "dictator" and his "little Cabbage Patch Kid" and vows that no one else besides them are her targets. The votes are cast and in a 5-4 vote, Bronte is totally blindsided out of the game with many shocked faces. It's the blindside we thought we were getting week one come true! Except Bronte admits she found out 20 minutes before taping. Bronte explains to Julie Chen that since the group was thinking ahead about next week's target changing to Frank, she knows being close to Bridgette and possibly being a flip vote got her evicted. Bronte is happy she didn't snap on the way out when she learns about the Battle Back and bids the Chenbot adieu.

Earlier in the day the memory wall changed to show a bunch of horribly Photoshopped pictures of evicted houseguests Glenn, Jozea, and Victor going wild in Europe. To win HOH, the houseguests have to answer true/false questions about the Euro Trippin' photos. When half the group gets the first question wrong, it's clear that something spectacularly bad might happen. And sure enough, it does. Paulie wins HOH and his entire team is safe, meaning this whole plan to get out Frank is moot. Again.

[All images credited to CBS]

July 11, 2016

The Bachelorette: The One Where They Spoon a Horse

7/11/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6

Alex finally gets a one-on-one date and all the guys can say about this is, "Now you can finally shut up." I mean, talk about support. Alex's date is getting to be JoJo's roadtrip buddy for their next destination while the other pleebs take a bus and freestyle rap together, which is way more fun than Alex's date. That's because in the awkward car ride it's just Alex and JoJo eating Pringles and wondering if the fields are full of wheat. They make a pit stop for gaucho training which just looks like horseback riding in costumes to me, but what do I know? At some point the gaucho shows off his connection with the horse and I honestly laugh the loudest belly laugh, especially watching them group spoon a horse. All the horse whispering really helps turn the spirit around and JoJo makes out with Alex. On the night portion of the date it's all going well until Alex says he's falling in love with JoJo despite hardly any time together. It was the best day of his life! Feeling extremely uncomfortable, JoJo dumps Alex on the date instead of dragging it out until the Rose Ceremony because she knows she ain't falling in love with him any time soon.

Jordan gets another one-on-one date because it's an overnight date and who the hell else do you think she wants to possibly bang at this point. Robby? God no. JoJo whisks Jordan off on a private jet to go stomp on grapes and drink their foot wine in Mendoza, Argentina. They wash their feet off by making out in a hot tub and drinking non-foot wine, while the guys back at the hotel lament Jordan's frontrunner status. Jordan uses their "dinner" to address some of the accusations against his character or that he's using his brother's fame. Well apparently he's not close or in contact with Aaron Rodgers so suck on that, other guys! JoJo was scared about falling for Jordan so fast, but his openness with feelings shows it's all mutual. How mutual? Jordan says he's in love with JoJo and she's elated, making out against a random alley wall which is the definition of sexy on a reality show.

Chase, James, and Robby go on the group date which is the only chance to score a rose before the Rose Ceremony. But that means JoJo doesn't want an overnight with any of those three at this point, so boo hoo losers. Rain ruins the outdoor adventures planned for the day so instead JoJo gets a suite at The Plaza Hotel for a hotel slumber party like Troop Beverly Hills. Slumber party fun includes shoving 25 fries in James Taylor's mouth at once, watching the Brazilian Bachelor, Truth or Dare, and a rousing game of Bachelor Celebrity. James Taylor decides to play instigator again, talking about Robby checking out hot Argentian women all the time and the constant razzing starts to irritate the overly tan Ken doll. Freed from the hotel room prison, each guy gets a little solo time with JoJo to plead their case to get that rose to hometown dates. Robby tells JoJo he and his ex ended just four months ago after three years of dating, insisting he's moved on from the ex. Chase tells JoJo he wants to spend forever with her, and she's happy he's finally opening up. James Taylor wonders if their type of love is as strong as the physical attractions he has, and she babbles on until the point he forgets what he asked but he's ready to introduce her to the fam. The guys bicker over who are the frontrunners, which apparently is Robby since he gets the group date rose. Chase and James Taylor get booted from the suite so JoJo can spend more time with Robby and America shudders.

Luke gets the last one-on-one date of the week because he's a frontrunner. They meet up at a ranch to pet a mini horse, ride full sizes horses, and skeet shoot. Cue all the skeet jokes I can think up! Luke talks about how much he wants to see a life with whoever he loves and for real this date lasts 4 minutes. Even the guys are shocked the date is over so fast. It's true: JoJo already has her mind made up and doesn't need to fake nice over a cocktail party to crush some hearts. The guys suit up and take a horse and carriage to the Rose Ceremony. Tonight's episode of The Bachelorette has been brought to you by: horses. The roses first go to the obvious frontrunners, Luke and Jordan, and then final rose is given to... Chase. And so we bid adieu to James Taylor who I have dubbed the next Bachelor with his sad sack edit, especially with all the talk about the perfect girl being out there for him. JoJo cries a bunch but just a reminder, you could've dumped Alex and James Taylor last week and saved them a little more heartache. Just saying.

[All images credited to ABC]

July 10, 2016

Big Brother 18: The Power of Friendship

7/10/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

The week picks up where the live eviction ended, with the balancing and berry carrying HOH competition. What we learn in flashback form is the Jozea vote was not a total blindside, since Frank informed Victor 5 minutes before the live show. All the teams are neck-in-neck during the competition, except for Big Sister who decide to take the tortoise pace to win. Tiffany intentionally falls to let her teammate Corey finish the last set of 10 berries, but his eagerness to finish by using the fast route backfire and he falls eliminating them from the competition. James decides to take one for his 8 Pack alliance and intentionally falls so that Team Unicorn will have an even harder time catching up to the frontrunners. Category 4 sends Paulie out to grab the last HOH berry, which gives him the power and title and his entire team safety for the week.

Paulie's HOH plan to slowly begin the tactics to eliminate "Jozea's minions". Jozea's blindside shakes the trust in their group, as Paulie believes Natalie flipped and Bronte has to talk sense into him that Zakiyah and Da'vonne were lying the whole time. There's a lot of groveling for safety. Victor worries that he's a target now and tries to deflect by pointing out the majority of the house is female now. Victor is right as he is Paulie's target and Paulie would like to nominate Paul at the beginning as part of a plan to backdoor Victor. If Paul doesn't agree to the plan he's doomed so he complies with the request. Paulie nominates Paul and Bronte for eviction to begin the long con of treating Victor like a king then kicking him right in the gut with a backdoor nomination.

Victor senses he might not be totally safe at this point and sets his sights on winning the BB Roadkill competition and getting picked to play for the veto. While someone like Victor is stressing, the other side of the house is straight chilling. James is spitting game at all the ladies with his Mr. Congeniality ways, while Corey talks about his enduring Christmas spirit (a real like Buddy the Elf, that Corey is). But the game is back on for this week's BB Roadkill competition which takes place inside the RV this time. The game is to mark $18 worth of souvenirs as "returns" in the fastest time. The souvs are great things like a Zingbot action figure and a Jodi air freshener, an homage to the first boot from Big Brother 13 who, like Glenn, went home night one. Turns out basic math stumps the majority of them, but not Victor who ends up winning the BB Roadkill. Paul tells Victor not to tell anyone about his win, but oops! Victor told Paulie and Frank immediately to try and establish trust. Victor chooses to semi-anonymously nominate Tiffany for eviction but it's really not that big a deal since 8 Pack is running this house.

Roadkill nominee and Culture Club haired Tiffany goes full Ruosso after being put on the block: paranoid and seeking constant reassurance from her allies. Most of her allies are on her side, but Frank and Tiffany don't see eye to eye so he's cool with the idea of losing her. One big step forward in the backdoor Victor plan is that he doesn't get chosen to play for the veto (sweet snub, Paul!), which means he can't completely up-heave the nominations. Despite being told to throw the veto to assure Victor gets backdoored, Tiffany most definitely tries to win the "Toezarks" Power of Veto competition to retrieve letters in goop and spell the highest scoring word. HOH Paulie outspells Tiffany's "twinkling" with "sustainability" - one doozy of a word for a Big Brother houseguest.

Tiffany's attempt to win the veto doesn't go unnoticed, especially by Da'vonne who saw Tiffany specifically counting Da's letters to make sure she outscored her. The 8 Pack and the Fatal 5 are both worried about Tiffany and her paranoia and consider the idea of cutting her way sooner than expected. So much for that whole "we're the five best women, let's go to the end!" Paul has to keep up the ruse that Victor is safe, which pains Paul as Victor is so gullible thinks he's safe and Tiffany will go home. Dude, there was CLEARLY a majority last week that you are outside of - why would you think Tiffany would be evicted over Bronte, Paul, or even you? Not only does Victor have Jon Snow's hair, but he plays right into the obvious hand. To thank him for being a trusted partner in the shady dealing, or I guess as a sign of "the power of friendship" (Paul is so corny), Paulie uses the veto to remove Paul from the block and names Victor as his replacement nominee.

Victor begins to campaign to try and keep his team strong, urging everyone to vote out Tiffany instead. Getting rid of Victor should be a foregone conclusion, but word gets back to Frank (via Bridgette) that Tiffany is targeting him and might even be corralling an all-girls alliance. Worried about Tiffany outing him, Frank tells Paulie about the 8 Pack, the alliance Paulie isn't part of so ultimate game FOMO. Paulie sees through Frank's gaming and suggest a five person alliance of himself, Zakiyah, Nicole, Corey, and Da'Vonne. Da'vonne can't believe Frank's subtle betrayals or the fact that her crumbling alliance also wants to drag her to be the fifth wheel in an alliance based on showmances.

At the live vote, Victor uses some stupid voice in his eviction speech before his inevitable backdooring occurs. Talking to Julie Chen, Victor could tell all week that the tables may have turned on him and he wasn't totally safe. Julie also asks Victor is maybe he shouldn't have been so honest since that clearly was part of his downfall. He gets the good news about the Battle Back to which he gives a fist pump. Uneventful interview typical of a boring Thursday episode where the highlight is really just finding out who the new HOH will be. Speaking of HOH, the "Kiss My Ace" competition has the players on each team bouncing a tennis ball off a giant racket, hoping to get them into the highest number slots. The player who bounces the lowest number each round gets eliminated, which leads to a major power shift when the three non-8 Pack members are the final competitors remaining. Bridgette wins HOH which protects her entire team for a second week in a row which means all the anti-Frank talk is useless for another 7 days.

[All images credited to CBS]

July 2, 2016

Big Brother 18: Jozea's No Kisser Butter

7/02/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 1

If you're excited for more twists, here ya go! There's a new competition this summer which means Battle of the Block is gone - praise the BB gods! The BB Roadkill competition awards the secret winner a game-changing power: anonymously being about to nominate a third person for eviction. I really like this new twist as a way to totally throw off the game, especially anonymously which will breed super paranoia in the house. It also creates a lot of schmoozing and alliances to try to cover yourself from all angles, like Da'Vonne who is playing hard and fast but much slicker than last season. The vets are worried about being the minority but quickly are able to get Zakiyah, Michelle, Corey, and Tiffany on their side and form "The 8 Pack." The 8 Pack continue their dominance when Frank secretly wins the BB Roadkill competition to hold down buttons while "driving" and strip to their swimsuits. Irresponsible driving indeed, but worth it for the power.

Frank keeps the powerful secret within his alliance and completes denies to Jozea and Paul. Probably wise to keep a secret from Jozea, who still hasn't figured out that running your mouth to the wrong person will get you nominated. But hey, he's no "kisser butter." Despite being at the highest of highs with his power, Frank and the rest of Category 4 have to wear pixel bathing suits as their punishment all week, lookin' like a bunch of naked Sims walking around the house. Frank wants to nominate Paul or Bridgette (a member of the newly formed "Spy Girls" trio with Natalie AKA Flirty Spy and Bronte AKA Wifey Spy). But since Paul would play in the veto to save himself, not an ally, Frank secretly chooses Paul as the third nominee this week, announced via a scrolling screen of houseguest headshots.

Everyone is shocked Paul is the third nominee and are bewildered at who could have the power. Jozea is extremely confident Michelle won the Roadkill competition and that his alliance has the numbers to take out Paulie, oblivious to the fact that his side is utterly screwed. The three nominees, HOH Nicole, Da'Vonne, and Corey (Nicole picked him specifically after drawing her own name, this season's upgraded twist to Houseguest's Choice) get to play in the first Veto Competition of the summer. Dressed as adorable dogs, the houseguests have to split on a platform and stack 40 doggy treats on top of their dog house within time limits. After a lot of spinning and abusing a sound board of doofus noises, Paul wins the veto and begins shouting a celebratory "woof woof!" because he can remove himself as a nominee.

As Paul was nominated by the Roadkill winner, that winner gets to name the replacement nominee. Frank's pool of nominees is slim pickins since Team Unicorn won safety in the premiere and the entire HOH's team is safe as well. But really it doesn't matter since oblivious Jozea is the target, with such little perception that he thinks HE is running the house with Frank following his commands. He even calls a house meeting in the Have Not room to declare that everyone should and will vote out Paulie... in front of Paulie's allies! While Paulie initially worries his alliance could turn on him, but his conversation with Jozea only confirms the fact the the delusional dude is out the door. Still unknown the the blissfully ignorant newbies, Frank chooses Bridgette, the terrible Spy Girl who got no dirt when trying to spy, as the replacement nominee because she's also the only option that isn't in the 8 Pack.

Jozea and Paul aren't upset that Bridgette's nominated because she wasn't a 100% solid vote, but they assume they have the numbers with Zakiyah and Da'vonne (oops). Jozea's allies warn of a possible tie, which Nicole would break, and despite his overconfidence he tries to make nice with her. Some of the newbies begin to wonder if something is going on since the HOH hasn't made their usual grand declarations of who should go home. Bridgette's smack talk of Nicole gets back to her and the group wonders if someone more covert like her would be the better choice to send home since Jozea's game is 100% obvious. The girls are even swayed a little to consider switching their allegiance after being spoken to so condescendingly by Victor and Paul. But the Spy Girls are nothing compared to the women's alliance I'm backing: the Fatal Five. Da'Vonne, Nicole, Zakiyah, Michelle, and Tiffany realize that as four strong female players they could be the most successful all-girl alliance to play. I am into this.

The house convenes for the live vote, which includes Paulie doing I guess a mobster impression? In a 7-4 vote, Jozea is evicted in the first blindside of the seasons. He hugs everyone silently and scurries out the door, probably super embarrassed. Julie Chen asks why he was silent on the way out and he gives a dumb answer, but blames Natalie for flipping (she didn't). Jozea is asking why Nicole was such a target and the answer is easy: she's the only returnee whose season he saw. Asked if he would do anything differently, he says making one person his best friend. Well of course Jozea has a chance to return, as does Glenn! Julie Chen introduces the new twist: Redemption Island. Oh I'm sorry it's actually called Battle Back, which allows the first five houseguests to compete in head-to-head competitions to get back into the house. It's 100% Redemption Island from Survivor, or Top Chek Last Chance Kitchen - all those dumb second chance twists I truly hate.

A new Head of Household has to be crowned, as well as securing safety for one entire team. The teams have to race across a balance beam relay-style, but if you fall you're out. The team that gets to 40 berries first gets to send one person to grab the final blueberry, and that will secure the team security AND make the blueberry holder HOH. It's a To Be Continued competition so we'll have to patiently wait until Sunday to see the results... or you know, just tune into live feeds and find out in 11 seconds.

[All images credited to CBS]