July 25, 2016

The Bachelorette: Cut to the Chase

7/25/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8 - Fantasy Suites

When we last saw The Bachelorette, JoJo was squatting by an airplane hanger crying over her tough decision. She regains composure and comes back to the Rose Ceremony and stands firm in her original thought: she dumps Luke. Man, I thought this was all clever editing but nope. JoJo wasn't ever fully sure how Luke felt and it was apparently too late, and he's shocked that their chemistry wasn't enough. He's flabbergasted, she's got a weird laugh cry - it's all terrible.

But forget the heartbreak, it's time to bang three guys with the same haircut in Thailand!

First up is JoJo's date with Robby and I'm just as shocked as you guys that he's still around and there's a good chance he'll have sex with JoJo. They walk around a busy market to try local food and avoid the torrential rain by getting pedicures. JoJo hasn't told Robby she loves him, but she appreciates his openness and honesty. They make out while the rain pours around them and I truly do not care. The monsoon stops for their sexy dinner, which is the day number anniversary of when JoJo told Ben she loved him. JoJo loves the trust (or flattery) of Robby's constant outpourings of love and is apparently over the whole you-dumped-your-ex-not-long-ago thing. They forgo their individual rooms to take up the Fantasy Suite offer which means BONE ZONE! JoJo also says she knows she's in love with Robby and seriously people, if she picks Robby I will feel so trolled. But JoJo won't say she love you to everyone willy nilly like a certain Bachelor, sticking to he guns she'll say it to the one man she wants to be with.

Jordan is escorted by boat to meet JoJo at a gorgeous island for a rigorous hike, and thankfully production brought him sneakers since he arrived barefoot. Their trek eventually takes them to a gorgeous cave and a temple at the bottom, which means no funny business you sexy, sexy reality stars. JoJo and Jordan discuss her family and the overprotective brothers sure to grill him to an uncomfortable level. JoJo still fears that he's not fully ready for a forever commitment and is afraid to trust him. At dinner, JoJo starts drilling Jordan on what the future in one year would look like and he doesn't have a good answer which scares JoJo who is worried about this long distance thing. She's not ready for another Ben-level heartbreak. Jordan reassures JoJo he's in love with her and that's all JoJo needs before heading to the Bone Zone, I mean Fantasy Suite. Apparently it went reaaaaal well but c'mon, we're not surprised.

Chase receives the last date of the night and I honestly considered just taking a nap through this human Ambien. But alas I must recap it. Chase rides up on a scooter like he's from Grease 2 and a coooool rider. The date consists of smelling fish, tongue kissing heavily, spotting monkeys at sea (but not sea monkeys), and making out in the ocean. Before JoJo and Chase head to the night portion of the date, they go to their hotels and get changed which is a great time for Robby to pop on in to give a "Hello, I love you" visit and completely throw of the flow of my recap. But back to Chase and his boringness, which JoJo points out was the most playful day with him. Chase gets lots of voiceovers like he's going to get dumped any minute now, but NO! JoJo is very happy for a trip to the Bone Zone with Chase and he tells her that he's in love with her officially... and she realizes she's not into him. She needs to excuse herself to get some air and returns to break the news that his declaration of love didn't elicit the reaction she hoped in herself. Chase downs the rest of his champagne and tries to escape the humiliation but she won't stop rambling and Chase isn't having it. Guys, Chase has a personality! She tries to smooth it over but he's embarrassed he said "I love you" only to be dumped minutes later. This drags on for an uncomfortable amount of time but enough time for me to wonder where has Chase's personality been all season? Was it hidden to make this blow-out spectacular?

The next day, JoJo is OK with her decision to dump Chase and looks forward to having a Rose Ceremony to allow Robby and Jordan the chance to both accept roses. The guys are surprised to see JoJo enter before Chase which they realize can't be a good sign for him (but a great sign for them). Just as JoJo begins to tell the guys about how horribly Chase took the breakup, he waltzes down the steps to the Rose Ceremony. Chase apologizes for his anger but he was genuinely shocked, but he is not mad at JoJo and wants the best for her. YAWN. Chase leaves and JoJo cries more about not being able to fall in love with Chase. The Rose Ceremony resumes with JoJo telling Jordan and Robby that her feelings are strong for both of them, and both accept their roses of course.

[All images credited to ABC]