August 30, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise: Well Well Wells

8/30/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5 - Night 2

Picking up from the previous night, Caila tells Jared that she can't stay in Paradise if Ashley is here. Ashley I is very satisfied about the alleged good deed she has done, then ugly cries when Jared isn't enthused with her actions. Jared chases after Caila's Uber and they leave Paradise together to explore their potential relationship. WE'RE FREE!!! Ashley I can move and shows a level of chillness with Wells that we haven't seen her display before. Which is impressive since two girls are competing for him. 

Oh sorry, I mean three girls because Shushanna the hot Russian arrives wants to date Wells. He's now made out with three women in Paradise and is torn between which woman he wants to give his future rose to. Wells and Shushanna end up on a double date with new arrival Lauren H and her date, Brett, because choices of quasi-single guys in Paradise is limited. The foursome head to the beach to get in some sun, surfing, and smooching. Izzy is pretty bummed that Brett is out on a date with someone else because she's super into Brett's hotness.

Everyone is wondering how Amanda feels about Josh because the whole house thinks he's an angry douche. They get a date card for a romantic dinner together which is a good time for them to talk about everything. Both reiterate their trust in each other and their best friendship - love is brewing for the pair. To paraphrase Amanda, Josh isn't perfect but he's perfect for her. Alright then. Keep on kissing by the fireworks.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 29, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise: Toodle-loo Twins!

8/29/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5 - Night 1

Ashley I continues to ugly cry that Jared can move on but she's not able to, but wipe that runny mascara because Wells is here! It's as if the producers realized 4-5 episodes of Ashley I sobbing needed to end and were like "Better send in Wells!" Wells doesn't need the entire cast to tell him to pick Ashley I since he thinks she has a "phenomenal" Instagram (the feeling is mutual), asking her out on a fate. The entire cast cheers at the prospect of Ashley not moping around all day. Wells and Ashley eat tacos and talk about her failed relationship with Jared and him not just being the revenge guy. They bond over a shared love of dogs and Wells super impression of a stray dog. Ashley and Wells kiss then light a wish lantern and send it into the sky... which ignites into a fiery inferno and plummets back to Earth. I love a good bad omen!

Lace and Grant get into a fight after she flirts with Carl (Who? I forgot he was there) right in front of Grant. Lace acts very over-dramatic about it all, but she realizes Grant complements her well and they make up. Evan and Carly confess to each other that they are falling in love with each other. Knowing his time in Paradise could be over by the end of the night, Daniel starts schmoozing by giving a twin an appetizer platter and gifting Izzy a lamp. Josh and Amanda are also falling in love and the twins are getting concerned after they heard about Josh getting a pissy temper over sleeping arrangements. They confide in Nick which leads them to yet again wonder if what Andi said in her book about Josh is true. But all this dramatic talk is interrupted to make a Rose Ceremony happen. The roses are all predictable except the twins who have had zero options of love so far. The duo decide to leave and Paradise together and find love at home. This also eliminates Daniel, Carl, and that other guy whose name I forgot and I'm not looking back at last week's recap (Ryan??)

But before the twins leave, they have some parting warnings for Amanda. The twins worry that Josh's intentions aren't pure, possibly just coming on the show to fix his image with America's sweetheart Amanda. Josh comes over and Amanda cries to him about what the twins said and when a "source" is hinted at, Josh calls a big group meeting to give everyone a dressing down. His dog had cancer, people! Then Nick pipes in that he is not sure Josh is genuine and it all pops off into a bigger argument. Amanda cries a little more before declaring to Josh and his luggage that she trusts him and no one can tell her what to do.

A chick named Jami arrives in Paradise eager to meet Wells because I guess 24 hours without Ashley I being insecure is too long. Except Ashley takes it totally well! Wells and Jami ride a dune buggy and get splashed with mud and if this sounds familiar, that's because Ashley I and Jared had this exact same date last year. They talk comic books by a waterfall which makes Wells all hot so they kiss. Ashley and Caila talk again and Caila insists Ashley's presence hinders the possibility of her relationship with Jared ever growing and she wants to leave. But what will Caila do?!

[Images credited to ABC and IG Up]

August 28, 2016

Big Brother 18: Victor is Evicted Again

8/28/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9

Natalie wins the Black Box HOH competition to search through muck and feathers for discs, narrowly defeating Corey. Since Natalie and James have been playing both sides all summer, this week they'll have to show their cards. Their cards apparently are to keep the other god awful showmance, Nicole and Corey, safe, pointing out that Paul and Victor are both big threats at winning the whole game (and Paul has stated James should be targeted). A wrench is thrown into plans though when Big Meech wins America's Care Package, which dubs her co-HOH. Big Meech doesn't like Nicole and would like to target her, but also understands that booting Nicole is a short-term move whereas targeting Paul, who lied to her and could win, possibly smarter. Natalie nominates Victor for eviction and Michelle nominates Paul. So not friendship.

Paul is pissed that he was called a liar and demands evidence, before cooling down and telling Natalie that she was totally played by Nicorey and Paulie, then re-heating up to fight with Nicole. Paul is able to wiggle his way back into good graces to shift the target on backdooring Corey, but it only takes about a day before they realize maybe Paul should still be the target. Too bad Paul is the only one who actually tries this season, staying up all night and to study extra hard to the non-stop Big Brother Storm Alerts. He wins the Power of Veto to read a teleprompter in the storm to correctly fill in the blanks, allowing himself to remove himself from the block. Corey is named the replacement nominee and I'm not sure if he's even smart enough to know that maybe he should have studied for the comp instead of having a cuddlefest with Nicole.

There's only 3 votes this week which means James is the swing vote and since James has the tendency to ruin everything, we can only expect this week to end terribly. Victor and Paul try to make it look like they've had a falling out to make sure the votes go their way. The votes do not go their way and Victor is evicted a second time. But good news for him: there's a jury Battle Back happening and he might have the chance to enter the game again for a third chance of being evicted! It'll be good to give the four other jurors something to do besides make Paulie miserable. Actually, stop that. Keep Paulie miserable, it's so amusing.

[All images credited to CBS]

August 23, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 3: Stop! Janner Time

8/23/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4 - Night 2

Janner (AKA Jade and Tanner for you pleebs who don't know the supercouple success story of Bachelor in Paradise last summer) make a surprise visit to remind everyone that 3 weeks of dating on reality TV can end in marriage. They arrive with a date card in-hand to give out after deep interviews with each potential couple. Said grilling make Lace question her relationship with Grant since she's not ready to return his "I love you" after a week of dating. Janner are turned off by Josh's over-eagerness to get a special date with Amanda, wondering if he has ulterior motives. Ashley I tells Janner that Caila/Jared is her worst nightmare and they don't care in the slightest for her feelings as they feel the couple are on the right path. 

There are other couples in Paradise besides Jared and Caila, so let's discuss before getting into their nonsense. I forgot to mention earlier because of writing flow and not wanting to make another picture that Vinny and Izzy breakup. Not only does he leave Izzy, but Vinny leaves Paradise in an Uber. Jennifer tries to get Nick to open up and let his guard down, but he's afraid of looking like a joke on reality TV again. A date card for Evan and Carly seems like the ideal opportunity to infuse some romance into their friendship, allowing them to really open up to each other in a rebirth ceremony in a hut. Carly likes the way Evan looks at her even when she looks like sweaty hot garbage and they have a much better sweaty makeout kiss.

Jared and Caila's date card lets them fake eat dinner in the rain and even in bad weather Caila has flawless hair. They have a very frank discussion about Ashley I hindering their relationship, but agree they are into each other. They leave fake dinner and strip down to their undies to makeout in the dirty looking river. Ashley I decides to try to use psychological warfare to breakup Jared and Caila because she has literally nothing better to do. Because Jared's a dope, he buys it hook, line, and sinker. Caila has to reassure Jared that she is definitely into him and he's too stupid to notice Ashley I is in love with him and doing anything to break them up. Tired of the BS, Caila confronts Ashley about her interference in their blossoming relationship. Caila wonders if Ashley is just going to sabotage everyone else (AKA Jared) until she finally finds someone to move on with. The answer is obviously yes.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 22, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 3: Booze Cruise Blues

8/22/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4 - Night 1

We return to the pre-Rose Ceremony cocktail party where Ashley I is still ugly crying to Jared and he's reminder her yet again that it's never going to happen. Jared then grabs Caila to reiterate his feelings, while Ashley I cries to poor Jorge the Bartender. Also, Evan and Carly kiss and this time it's not bad (for them at least, my eyes are pained). There is only one rose up for grabs this week since every single guy is in a couple. That single guy is Canadian Daniel. Sarah bakes him a half birthday cake (how about pouring a drink instead cause, girl, you're thirsty) and one twin takes the hit and kisses Daniel. Ashley I stops sobbing for a brief moment to talk to Daniel about her drama, and he encourages her to date around - or in classy Daniel terms "slut it up a bit." Ultimately, Daniel hands his rose out to Haley the twin (you know production wouldn't let them slip away). Sarah, who is way to good for this franchise cries in her Uber and leaves. Ashley I gets into her Uber, then decides she has no plans to leave and just gets out and returns to make a speech/plea to return. Cause that's allowed?? The producers dream comes true and everyone agrees to let her stay and find love. And cry for ratings.

Some new guys from Andi's season arrive, one is Carl and one is Brett and I have no idea who they are and I've watched this show for a decade. There's a Double Date card, so Carl invites Emily the twin who is so happy to finally find a guy of interest. Brett "the lamp guy" invites Caila on a date and she accepts, then rejects, and repeats this cycle on indecision a few times before agreeing to go on the date. The foursome head out on a booze cruise where Emily and Carl just griiiiind on each other like it's a dirty dancing competition. The booze cruise, and Brett, are not Caila's scene and she realizes she made a mistake in her thirty minutes of deciding whether to go on the date. Meanwhile, Jared stays back and mopes that the girl he likes is on a date with another dude. Ashley is hoping this is her time to swoop in and get Jared back because the dead horse hasn't been beaten enough. Bad news Ashley: Caila returns and it's back full force with Jared. Cue the tears of Ashley I.... AGAIN. Sound familiar? It's getting old fast.

Another guy named Ryan arrives and for real, who the hell are these guys? We are truly scraping the barrel for casting. After Ashley I uses her alone-time to yap about Jared AGAIN, Ryan asks Haley the twin on his date. They ride horses alongside the stream which is totally different than last week because they horseback rode on the beach. Grant plans a special massage date for Lace and tells her he's in love with her, and she's definitely on the path to love but not there yet (because it's been a week?) Vinny and Izzy have been smooth sailing for weeks, but Brett's arrival and overall hotness makes Izzy wonder if maybe she settled down too soon. Vinny is not pleased that Izzy isn't totally sure about their relationship. Vinny sleeps on it poorly and decides to talk to Izzy to get closure - but not tonight... see ya tomorrow.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 21, 2016

Big Brother 18: Along Came the Eviction of Paulie

8/21/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 8

The house is still dealing with the aftermath of the double eviction, but there's still some of the past to share. Flashback to the moments where Paulie hit on Natalie despite being in a showmance with Zakiyah (and Natalie with James). Natalie outs all of this to Zakiyah in the days leading up to her eviction, who in turn tells everything to Paulie. Natalie tells this to James as well, who confronts Paulie about flirting with his girl. Paulie keeps calling Natalie a "Jersey girl" in a derogatory sense and says she's as fake as "the things on her chest" - high class, Paulie! Eventually Natalie and Paulie get into it and gonna give the point to Natalie as Paulie just comes off like a douche. And as usual, before the eviction James ruins the total blindside and tells Nicole, Corey, and Paulie of Zakiyah's impending eviction. Instead of goodwill, Paulie snaps even more.

The Double Eviction left the house "leaderless" so there's a Head of Household to declare the new power holder. In a head-to-head elimination style competition to identify Benny the Squirrels in a grid, Victor wins HOH. As the swing vote of the house, being in power requires Victor to actually choose a side. Victor can't choose Nicole as America's Care Package grants her "super safety" so she can't be nominated/evicted while wearing her stupid Super Safety suit. That's A-OK for Victor, who agrees with his ally Paul that they should target Paulie and Corey. Time to take out a big competitor!

Paulie ugly cries a ton about the nominations of himself and his bro Corey, feeling betrayed by The Executives. Paulie can't seem to accept that the player got played, which Michelle perfectly sums up to the BB16-wannabe: "You're never going to be Cody or Derrick." Paulie has to put his pouty-face aside briefly because Zingbot 9000 shows up in the house for his classic zings which calls out Paulie as the "Poor Man's Cody" and Nicole for throwing her game away for a guy on two different seasons. ZING INDEED! This year, Zingbot is running for president and gonna be honest, not a terrible candidate? As players are eliminated they win/trade for prizes and punishments which results in the following: Paul has to pat down houseguests as Zingbot's Secret Service, Nicole wins a trip to any "American destination", Corey has to wear a "Patriot-tard", Paulie has to bake apple pies all summer, James gets $5k, and Victor retains all power by winning the Veto. Victor is excited to have all the power to send Paulie out of the game, leaving his nominations the same.

Paulie's game is pretty much over at this point, so in good news he only has to bake pies a couple days as opposed to all summer. Credit to him for realizing the monster the game made him become. Credit lost when he threatens to quit. He campaigns and tries to use tears to his advantage, but the house isn't buying it and Paulie is evicted.  He doesn't have the Round Trip ticket so we are saved his resurrection (temporarily because, what a shocker, there's another impending Battle Back coming). Since this was the last week for the tickets, Julie Chen reveals who did have the ticket: YOUR BOY Paul. The next reigning HOH is left as a cliffhanger, but twist alert: someone will be co-HOH this week thanks to America's Care Package.

[All images credited to CBS]

August 16, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise: The Return of Ashley I's Ugly Cries

8/16/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3 - Night 2

Ashley I arrives in Paradise for another summer of chasing after Jared, but is shocked to discover her friend Caila has already snagged her man. Apparently, Caila didn't tell Ashley I she was coming to Paradise and has previously stated Jared isn't her type. Well things change, Ashley! What hasn't changed is Ashley's emotional stability, which quickly digresses into tears. With Jared taken, Ashley is forced to find another option for her date card and is stuck with Canadian Daniel. Ashley and Daniel talk about her virginity and Jared obsession before actually bonding. But their date is interrupted when a bunch of Mayans bust into the date and steal Ashley I away to "sacrifice a virgin." This is how the date ends. Also, she doesn't really die in a sacrifice.

Another one of Ben Higgins rejects arrives and her name is Jen and she's a brunette beauty that all the guys want. Jen gets a good vibe from two time runner-up Nick Viall and takes him on her date, and thank god because he was becoming a sad lonely man in Paradise. They drink on a boat before departing to makeout on a crab-infested beach. Not the STD, but the animals but since this is Bachelor in Paradise I can see why you'd think it's a crabs infested beach.

Evan's bizarre medical emergencies aren't quite over yet. He got a kiss from Carly after passing out last time, so on his second expedition he invites Carly to join his ambulance ride for his swollen ankles. And it works! Carly's feelings for Evan return and his thrifty non-date card date actually works out this time.

It's time for the latest Rose Ceremony and the men have the power this week. Pretty much the only rose up for grabs is Canadian Daniel and he's got a lot of choices. After Jared confirms Caila will get his rose, Ashley I pulls him aside because she still thinks there's a chance. When Nick Viall, two-time runner-up reject, tells you it won't work out... believe him. Jared is tired of Ashley I cock-blocking him, and Ashley I has most definitely broken her vow of only 3 cries in Paradise. I'm already tired of it.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 15, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 3: Josh Ruins Pizza for Everyone

8/15/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

Picking up on last week, Evan decides to interrupt Amanda's face-suck session with Josh. Josh turns his moaning to the worst looking pizza on earth, while Amanda accepts the faux date card Evan to gently let him down. Knowing he's a dead man walking, Evan makes one last strike before leaving Paradise: warning Amanda that, according to Andi's book, Josh sucks. Josh gets wind of this hot gossip and confronts Evan about besmirching his name, all while continuing to sweat through his linen shirt. Nick gives Amanda sort of a warning but also says there are some discrepancies in the book so maybe hold out hope it's a lie. In case you think there's any suspense about it, Amanda gives Josh her rose. Other obvious roses: Lace to Grant, Izzy to Vinny, and Emily to Jared. Despite having a pretty good kiss with Christian again, Sarah gives her rose to fun Daniel and his mediocre kiss. Carly gives Evan her Friend Zone rose, but he hopes this means their relationship is starting over - OOF. And last rose of the night is from Haley who chooses to give one to Nick Viall instead of her date Brandon because dude couldn't tell her and her twin apart. No bueno. It's not a good night for new guys in Paradise.

Caila, The Bachelorette that never was, arrives in Paradise and catches Jared's eye. Emily the twin is isn't happy that her top guy might like someone else, but politely pretends it's OK to Jared's face when he asks for permission. Emily hopes Jared will return from the date and have no connection with Kayla, but there's nothing more romantic than horseback riding on the beach. Jared returns from his date and breaks things off with Emily, who is heartbroken. 

Romance continues to brew between non-entities when Lace/Grant and Izzy/Vinny go on a double date and get all mushy with each other. Thankfully they imbibe enough margaritas and miscellaneous booze to grind all over each other in a foam party at Senor Frogs like it's MTV Spring Break. Highlight of the night: a random girl throws a pitcher of water on Lace and Izzy, which gets said heroic girl bounced from the club. While the real double date happens, Carly and Sarah continue their quest to not be eliminated by keeping the door a crack open of their past Paradise relationship failures. Evan thinks there's a sliver of a chance with Carly so he tries to kiss her and gets rejected. Super drunk Evan passes out in bed but isn't responsive to producers, which requires them to call medical, and honestly it seems like an extreme over reaction. Carly goes back and forth between remembering their horrible kiss and also being attracted to Evan, which results in her making out with Evan.

Also, Amanda and Josh head to the Bone Zone which we know because there's stock footage of a train going through a tunnel. Not a joke.

But the biggest reveal of all: Ashley I is back, ready for cry a lot and attempt to get Jared to pay attention to her.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 14, 2016

Big Brother 18: Double Eviction Dud

8/14/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7

The house is still standing on their little disks and swinging around the backyard, hoping to old on the longest to win HOH. "Twitter Trolls" run in out of nowhere to harass and gently smack around the houseguest with paddles. The spinning is enough to make Michelle hurl and then cry a lot about said hurling. It's basically a big brofest to hold on the longest so their new alliance, The Executives, can pick off the women. Victor and Natalie are the last two hanging, so eventually she strikes a deal for her safety and falls off. Victor is the new HOH which makes another week of Paulie puppeting the house.

Paulie's extremely obvious throwing of the HOH competition right after Zakiyah fell sets her off, feeling betrayed by her flirtmance, but again buys what Paulie is selling her - or like 90%. Michelle AKA Big Meech can't stop crying and being pissed about the Da'vonne blindside, lashing out at Nicole and James for keeping her in the daszrk. James gets even more air time when he wins the latest America's Care Package, which gives him the power to remove two people from voting in this week's eviction - a pretty big power that he'll likely waste. Despite being warned by Da'vonne that the house planned to target him at the double eviction, Victor blissfully follows the Pauls desires. Paulie's relieved that someone else can do the dirty work of getting Zakiyah out for him. The nominations are easy and obvious, so Victor decides to be a disrespectful trashbag in the process of nominating Zakiyah and Michelle by insulting them and throwing beads at them.

Michelle uncontrollably sobs after being nominated, whereas the guys are laughing and high fiving. Paul thinks Michelle's emotional outbursts are a reason to keep her around because shes' weak. Paulie, on the other hand, thinks it's a reaction to boot her (and because she's the only one seeing through his BS). Paulie begins to work his puppet master ways to try and keep his girl in the house, trying to persuade James to use his power to cancel votes to assure Michelle goes home. In another step towards his masterplan, Paulie wins the house-wrecking Hide & Go Veto competition which means he can protect his beloved number/showmance Zakiyah by taking her off the block... except he doesn't. Paulie leaves the nominations the same and leaves it up to the house to decide whether to follow his commands.

Right before eviction night, Bridgette and Natalie decide they want to save Michelle. All they have to do is show the house what they're obliviously overlooking: Paulie is running the house and making moves that help him. Michelle talks to James and encourages him to use his vote removal power to make a big move. At the eviction, James removes Corey and Paul from voting and the house takes the first step forward in their independence from Paulie and evicts Zakiyah. But the night isn't over: it's Double Eviction time! And in true Big Brother fashion, it lands with a spectacular thud. Corey wins HOH and allows the bros to run his whole night, nominating Bridgette and Michelle for eviction. Corey also wins the infamous Clown Shoe veto (it's clocks this season) so he has all the power and keeps his nominations the same. Michelle changes outfits multiple times, completely calls out Nicole as a rat, then openly sobs when it's not her but Bridgette that is evicted from the Big Brother house. Well at least we got some Big Meech sobs in for what was a depressing ending to the fun momentum of ruining Paulie.

[All images credited to CBS]

August 9, 2016

Bachelor In Paradise 3: Evan Almighty

8/09/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2 - Night 2

The women have the power this week which means new dudes will be rolling up to Paradise. Christian arrives in Paradise and decides to take Sarah on a date because she's cute and Amanda is claimed. I say claimed because Josh is the equivalent of a dog peeing on a hydrant to declare his turf. Sarah and Christian head out on a ropes course, which allows for great bonding and kissing moments. When they return, Canadian Daniel is fairly jealous because he thought Sarah would be his Rose Ceremony meal ticket after he chose her last week. He decides to show Sarah he's serious about his feelings and steals her away for some champagne heart-to-heart time.

Some forgettable dude named Brandon from Desiree's season arrives and while Carly hopes she's a prospect, he picks Haley the twin instead. Because they're grown adults fully committed to finding love, the twins decide to do a twin swap on the date to see if Brandon can tell the difference. Surprise: he can't.

After their disastrous kissing date, Carly breaks things off with Evan and places him in the Friendzone. He's heartbroken, which is one level worse than having your t-shirt ripped. The house hopes maybe Evan will get a pity rose from Carly so he'll have a second chance at love. A true glutton for heartbreak, Evan decides to interrupt Amanda and Josh's makeout fest and make a pass at her. With a homemade date card in hand, Evan makes his move... poorly. First it requires Amanda and Josh coming up for air from this nonstop horny teen makeout sessions, which I guess in a way is Evan doing a good deed to prevent suffocation. And then.. to be continued?! Aw man.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 8, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 3: Nick Vs Josh - Take 2

8/08/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2 - Part 1

Leah from Ben's season (who lied about St. Lauren B) arrives in Paradise with a plan to invite Chad on her date card, but unfortunately he's been booted and continuing to get drunk in a white van. She decides to pick two-time runner-up Nick Viall for her date, and they drink margaritas and kiss on the beach with her new lips. But twist alert! A date card arrives for Nick and he chooses single mom Amanda for his date, NOT a second go-round with Leah and she's crushed. The connectino between Nick and Amanda is much deeper, ending in making out by a campfire on the beach.

Lace is worried that because she was a part of Hurricane Chad her prospects are ruined.The positive is there's a rekindled attraction between Lace and Grant and they cover the camera to fool around, but c'mon, you can never truly hide the cameras in Paradise. Not all the new couplings have the necessary spark it takes to last in Paradise. Carly is attracted to, of all people, Evan and goes in for the kiss... and it's horrendous. So while Evan is smitten, Carly is wondering what the hell to do besides ride this out for a rose. Sarah is one of the girls struggling to find a connection and thinks she might have one with Vinny, but he's smooching both Sarah and Amanda. Leah remains confident that she can snag Nick, but declines he advances, forcing her to explore other options. That options include Canadian Daniel, who is the swing vote, and has lots of ladies hoping to get his rose to stick around.

At the Rose Ceremony, the more obvious roses are given out first: Grant to Lace, Nick to Amanda, and Evan to Carly, Jared chooses to give his rose to Emily, who is more attracted to than his date companion Jubilee. Emily's rose means her twin Haley gets to stick around for TV fodder. Vinny makes his choice between Sarah and Izzy, giving his rose to Izzy. But Sarah isn't out yet, but Daniel gives his rose to her. That means Jubilee and Leah are eliminated and therefore slightly humiliated. 

It's a new day in Paradise which means time for some new arrivals and MAN, did they bring in a doozy. Down the steps walks Josh Murray, the dingus that Andi Dorfman picked over Nick Viall. With a date card in hand, Josh does the Round Robin interviews of all the women but already knows he's going to ask Amanda on a date. Nick and Josh chasing the same girl AGAIN! Eskimo Brothers x2! Amanda and Josh sip champagne and makeout on a boat after listening to Josh deny that he's the horrendous fiance that Andi's book accused him of being. Nick is worried about Josh's intentions and since Nick knows what Andi wrote about him was true, he thinks the Josh stuff is probably true as well.

Evan is so excited to get a date card and sweep Carly off her feet and she awkwardly accepts. Their date is not the sunset horseback riding of Evan's dreams, but an ambush by Chris Harrison to eat habenero peppers and then kiss in front of a crowd. The "Longest Hottest Kiss" is as miserable to watch as you'd expect, ending with a long drawl of spittle stuck between them and a World Record held as mimes dance in celebration. All of this sounds like fiction but I promise you, this actually happened on this goofy show.

Josh and Amanda return from their date all smiley and kissy, so a twin steals her away for girl time. This allows for a Josh vs. Nick showdown again, as Nick wants Josh to know he's interested in dating Amanda too. And then Josh and Amanda continue to grossly makeout and moan in front of everyone, shattering Nick who thought he had something strong with Amanda and might lose it in a sad twist of irony.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 5, 2016

Big Brother 18: At the End of the Da' - The Sequel

8/05/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6

Last week ended with yet another HOH cliffhanger, with the remaining houseguests (minus outgoing HOH James) practicing their "perfect shot" on a wavy wooden platform. Practice can go on forever, but the houseguests can roll their red ball one time - and that's the one that counts. The four with the lowest scores become Have Nots which includes Natalie who like 60% figured out a game is happening in this house. Paul is the third person to roll his red ball and gets the perfect 21, knocking out Paulie (who threw the comp) and Victor. While others hit perfect 21 with their practice yellow ball, no one else scores it when it comes. YOUR BOY Paul is now HOH and can use "Friendship" as a verb all week.

The first America's Care Package drops into the backyard via parachute as a complete homage/rip-off to The Hunger Games. Natalie is awarded the first prize: a Never Not Pass, which means she never has to be a Have Not again all summer. It's great timing so she can ditch the bumper car bed immediately and get back to spooning James. Not to be a total Natalie, but let's pay attention to the game now. HOH Paul plans to use his power for two things: 1. wear the HOH robe nonstop, and 2. to finish what the house started and send Bridgette home right after her BFF Frank. In order to oust her, Paul wants someone to volunteer as a pawn and SURPRISE! No one wants to be one until a dastardly plan to backdoor Da'vonne comes into play. Paulie agrees to take one for the team because he's such a hero and agrees to sit besides Bridgette on the block and hopefully save himself by winning the veto and have Da'vonne take his spot. The power of FRIENDSHIP!

The game is so minuscule in this house since it's dominated by Friendship and showmances. Paulie and Zakiyah have an tiff and the biggest drama to happen is Michelle throws an apple at Paul and gives him a welt. Bridgette is sad she's still an outsider in the house, but HOH Paul pacifies her and tells her she's not the target. I mean, she is the target unless the veto is used and then sure, maybe Da'vonne. Da'vonne is trying anything to keep herself safe and throws Nicole under the bus to The Pauls which only hurts her cause. Paulie wins the Ready, Set, Whoa veto and saves himself, allowing his masterplan to backdoor Da'vonne to come to fruition.

The dastardly plan to evict Da' is in motion and she's pretty confused why her friend Paul would nominate her. Paul stresses that Bridgette is the target, and in his heart it's who he'd prefer but the whole house wants Da' out the door. Zakiyah and Michelle, Da's top allies, think she'll be safe but are totally unaware of what is happening in the house. James makes the ultimate blunder in front of Da' by saying in a double eviction situation they's target Bridgette and Victor, which implies Bridgette would survive the next vote. Da' tries to make sure James remains on her side and brings his flirtmance Natalie to force a tie. James is torn between making a game move or a hero move, but ultimately side with making a choice to play the game. Da'vonne is evicted in a 6-2 vote, but she's not surprised since she felt the vibe change in the house. Sadly there's no Round Trip ticket to Da' and instead she heads out to become the first member of the season's jury.

The episode ends with yet another endurance competition cliffhanger to play out on the live feeds. hanging onto ropes as they bump into big hashtags of smacktalk like #USuck and #Grossmance. How about #WorstSeasonEver?

[All images credited to CBS]

August 2, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 3: Paradise Is Officially Hell

8/02/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 1

Bachelor In Paradise is back and the credits and more self aware and bizarre than ever. But bless us all, Jorge the Bartender is back! As are all your "favorites" like two-time loser in love Nick Viall, the twins, Lace, single mom Amanda, villain Chad.. blah blah so many others. You'll hear about them later as they begin to show up on the beach and make pleasantries, like judging who is less ugly in person (Evan) or who is old. Everyone except for anyone on JoJo's season can't wait to meet the myth that is Chad but no one is truly ready for such a character. He's mysterious and misunderstood, they say! We know one thing: his bromance with Daniel the Canadian is back on, rekindled by the fuel of their own arrogance. But Daniel doesn't want to just bro out - he wants to hookup and for some reason women find him attractive. I mean, he's a guy who calls women "bruised fruit" and ranks them based on hotness - what ISN'T attractive about that? 

Chris Harrison explains the rules of the show - date cards, dates, find love or you'll be eliminated at Rose Ceremony. The men have the power this week and will hand out roses; next week the ladies will give the roses. Much like crybaby Ashley I and her sister, the twins are a package deal because if they were separate they are truly pointless to this franchise. Pairings start happening right away, like total unknowns Izzy and Vinny that were unknown even to the cast but are coupled right away. Jubilee hopes she can couple up with Jared, inviting him on the first date of the season to sip margaritas while being surrounded by literally all the pinatas someone could get in Puerto Vallarta. Their nerd bonding session over Lord of the Rings is interrupted by the most terriying clown popping out to scare the crap out of them. WHAT. IS. HAPPENING. People, this is what Paradise entails.

But this is all child's play compared to the mess of Chad and Lace. A true pair of hellions, I tell you. What starts as a chemistry turns into a drunken hot tub makeout session, which leads to yelling and shoving, and an eventual fallout. Love is fleeting in Paradise, especially when you drunkenly call a girl a bitch and talk about murder a lot. The problem is Chad is extremely hammered and ruining the party for everyone else around. Sarah takes a stand and tells him he's gotta go, then walks away crying that he's ruining Paradise. His BFF Daniel tries to talk him off the ledge, but Chad is belligerent to he walks away and eventually passes out into snoring, pants pooping bliss on the pool deck.

The next morning, chaperone Chris Harrison shows up to intervene. Guys, this is literally the most Chris Harrison has worked the entire year. Lace tries to express why Chad made her uncomfortable, but keeps getting cut off by Chad. Chris Harrison saw the footage and cuts right to the chase: "We all came here to be in Paradise. In a matter of one night, you have turned this into hell." Not only was Chad horrible to the women, but nasty to production, and told the entire hotel staff to suck his [bleep]. Holy crap I laughed so hard at Chris Harrison swearing. The verdict is easily in: Chad is being booted from Paradise. He leaves, loses a flip flop, and takes a final dig at Chris Harrison that he went to bed last night sipping mimoas in a robe. One can only dream of such a life. Unfortunately, Chris Harrison now has a mortal enemy in Chad.

[All images credited to ABC]

August 1, 2016

The Bachelorette: JoJo Gets Engaged to a Guy With Spectacular Hair

8/01/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9 - Finale

JoJo arrives in Phuket, Thailand and basks in the breathtaking viewers to wonder which man will propose to her in a few days. The answer is both but you'll get to crush one of them. JoJo's family is flown out to Thailand to meet the guys which includes a silent sister and two bothers who really undelivered on the hype of hating the guys. Jordan meets the family first and decides the way to a family's heart is to make them laugh with humiliating hats. Jordan spends a lot of time trying to sell himself as authentic to the parents, promising to not break JoJo's heart but also totally forgets to ask for her hand in marriage from her dad (a formality for JoJo). On the other hand, Robby doesn't make this critical error and gets the OK from Doctor Paper and Mama Fletcher to marry Joelle. Robby tells the fam about his early "I love you" and stresses his undying commitment to make his life work around hers. In case you're wondering, the Fletchers are pretty much full on Team Robby at this point. He's the "logical" choice according to the post-meeting recap. JoJo wants to defend Jordan until she learns he didn't ask for her hand in marriage and she's annoyed. She's torn between both men and the lives each could offer her, both of which involve a lot of hair styling products.

JoJo hopes that by the end of her final date with Robby she'll have more clarity about which guy is the right choice for her. A tuk tuk escorts them to the beach so they can makeout in the ocean and use their underwater camera for three seconds. Robby tells JoJo about their perfect future together with a comfy couch, dog, laughing kids, and burnt meatloaf. JoJo comes to Robby's hotel room for one last pre-proposal night of love declarations. Gonna be honest, Robby is becoming a broken record of his JoJo feelings at this point and she has no issues knowing where he stands since he doesn't shut up about it. Robby's craft project of love begins with photos "he" had printed so they can reminisce about the relationship JoJo, and viewers, never expected.

JoJo and Jordan's final date is a major upgrade from just having the tuk tuk drop you off at the beach. They sail out on a boat (like a fancy one you'd use to maroon castaways on Survivor) and then kayak through caves to eventually sit on a beach and talk. JoJo hopes her last date with Jordan will help answer all her lingering questions about their possible future, such as not getting the family blessing. JoJo doesn't think Jordan is ready if he didn't ask for her family's permission, feeling uneasy at the idea of accepting a proposal with THA BLESSING. Jordan didn't ask because he's worried about not 100% knowing it's him, so he'd rather wait to ask until he knows JoJo's choice. It's the most confusing conversation to listen to and especially recap. JoJo has doubts again, which leaves their night portion of the date to be one last round of damage control. Much like Robby's broken record, Jordan's got the same issue with him rambling on and on that he wants to be with JoJo. We are left without a craft project gift of love which leaves me in shambles.

A tradition almost as beloved as dumping someone right before they propose, Neil Lane shows up to help the guys pick their possible engagement ring for JoJo. But before making such an expensive decision that they're not even on the hook for, Jordan calls JoJo's parents to finally get permission to marry her. To make sure JoJo knows fully that he loves her and has taken the steps for the future, Jordan writes a letter which is delivered to JoJo so she'll know how much he wants to be with her. Not to be outdone, Robby also wrote her a letter to declare his love for the zillionth time. Ugly cries abound for letters! Who will JoJo choose?!

It's proposal rejection time! JoJo looks stunning in her ethereal dress as the winds of Thailand blow the chiffon. Robby arrives first in his navy blue suit and pink tie, unaware he took a ride in the Limo of Rejection. JoJo compliments said suit and then proceeds to make the most uncomfortable faces ever while Robby professes his love for her. JoJo stops him just shy of the proposal and explains she wanted it to be him so much but her heart is somewhere else. His extremely tan face gets even redder from the sadness and sweat growing from his rejection. He's a classy dude and wishes her luck before lamenting his loss in his Uber of Rejection. JoJo feels absolutely terrified for breaking the heart of the tannest man in this show's history.

JoJo heads back out to the beautifully painted patio on the beach to await a proposal from Jordan. He's also wearing a navy suit because it's one last time for JoJo's suitors to look alike (but he opts for a navy tie). Jordan departs the Uber of Victor and heads down to finally give JoJo that confirmation she's wanted. Jordan tells JoJo he's in love with her, she's his best friend, and his soulmate. JoJo tells Jordan how much she loves him back and is happy to finally be able to say it because she's no Ben Higgins dropping lots of ILUs. Jordan gets down on one knee and proposes to Jordan with a pretty stunning oval-cut engagement ring (it's not a halo!) and she says yes. But there's one last yes to give: yes to the final rose.

After the Final Rose

One last awful reunion to recap! Robby's brought out to relive his rejection and get the answers he "deserves." Robby was so confident he honestly thought he was the only dude in Thailand and JoJo had dumped Jordan earlier. Robby's no longer in love with JoJo thanks to the help of his family and friends and respects JoJo who helped him see the love he deserves. Sadly his friends didn't help him tailor down all the accessorizing on his suit - damn! Robby wants to know why JoJo told him she loved him while simultaneously dumping him. She didn't want to discredit the feelings she felt for him and while she did fall in love with Robby, she was always in love with Jordan on a different level. He's all good and glad he got closure, blah blah... gonna be honest, I tune Robby out. Sorry.

A mega-tanned JoJo in her beige toga dress almost gives her feedback on who should be the next Bachelor before Chad interrupts on the audience that it should be him. She's reunited with Jordan for their first public showing as a couple and address how it's been had to deal with all the tabloids and internet smack talk about each other. Jordan says that real life has helped the couple communicate and be actual human beings outside of the magical allure of reality TV dates. For a happy couple though, JoJo is rarely smiling during any of this and pursing her lips constantly. Guess all the tabloid nonsense has irritated these two to death, I guess? But hey, they get an exclusive People cover photo to make everyone know they're so happy! Jordan's moving to Dallas immediately and I've gotta say, I'm pleasantly surprised as I don't think the man has ever moved to the woman's city after this show is done. Just to crap on their happiness one more time, Chris Harrison brings up the Aaron Rodgers situation and basically Jordan ignores it as the two of them get physically uncomfortable in front of the camera. Ben Higgins gives his blessing and still hasn't shaved, and JoJordan get a free vacation.

The night ends with a preview of Bachelor in Paradise but no need to discuss... I'll be recapping it in 24 hours!

[All images credited to ABC]