August 22, 2016

Bachelor in Paradise 3: Booze Cruise Blues

8/22/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4 - Night 1

We return to the pre-Rose Ceremony cocktail party where Ashley I is still ugly crying to Jared and he's reminder her yet again that it's never going to happen. Jared then grabs Caila to reiterate his feelings, while Ashley I cries to poor Jorge the Bartender. Also, Evan and Carly kiss and this time it's not bad (for them at least, my eyes are pained). There is only one rose up for grabs this week since every single guy is in a couple. That single guy is Canadian Daniel. Sarah bakes him a half birthday cake (how about pouring a drink instead cause, girl, you're thirsty) and one twin takes the hit and kisses Daniel. Ashley I stops sobbing for a brief moment to talk to Daniel about her drama, and he encourages her to date around - or in classy Daniel terms "slut it up a bit." Ultimately, Daniel hands his rose out to Haley the twin (you know production wouldn't let them slip away). Sarah, who is way to good for this franchise cries in her Uber and leaves. Ashley I gets into her Uber, then decides she has no plans to leave and just gets out and returns to make a speech/plea to return. Cause that's allowed?? The producers dream comes true and everyone agrees to let her stay and find love. And cry for ratings.

Some new guys from Andi's season arrive, one is Carl and one is Brett and I have no idea who they are and I've watched this show for a decade. There's a Double Date card, so Carl invites Emily the twin who is so happy to finally find a guy of interest. Brett "the lamp guy" invites Caila on a date and she accepts, then rejects, and repeats this cycle on indecision a few times before agreeing to go on the date. The foursome head out on a booze cruise where Emily and Carl just griiiiind on each other like it's a dirty dancing competition. The booze cruise, and Brett, are not Caila's scene and she realizes she made a mistake in her thirty minutes of deciding whether to go on the date. Meanwhile, Jared stays back and mopes that the girl he likes is on a date with another dude. Ashley is hoping this is her time to swoop in and get Jared back because the dead horse hasn't been beaten enough. Bad news Ashley: Caila returns and it's back full force with Jared. Cue the tears of Ashley I.... AGAIN. Sound familiar? It's getting old fast.

Another guy named Ryan arrives and for real, who the hell are these guys? We are truly scraping the barrel for casting. After Ashley I uses her alone-time to yap about Jared AGAIN, Ryan asks Haley the twin on his date. They ride horses alongside the stream which is totally different than last week because they horseback rode on the beach. Grant plans a special massage date for Lace and tells her he's in love with her, and she's definitely on the path to love but not there yet (because it's been a week?) Vinny and Izzy have been smooth sailing for weeks, but Brett's arrival and overall hotness makes Izzy wonder if maybe she settled down too soon. Vinny is not pleased that Izzy isn't totally sure about their relationship. Vinny sleeps on it poorly and decides to talk to Izzy to get closure - but not tonight... see ya tomorrow.

[All images credited to ABC]