August 1, 2016

The Bachelorette: JoJo Gets Engaged to a Guy With Spectacular Hair

8/01/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9 - Finale

JoJo arrives in Phuket, Thailand and basks in the breathtaking viewers to wonder which man will propose to her in a few days. The answer is both but you'll get to crush one of them. JoJo's family is flown out to Thailand to meet the guys which includes a silent sister and two bothers who really undelivered on the hype of hating the guys. Jordan meets the family first and decides the way to a family's heart is to make them laugh with humiliating hats. Jordan spends a lot of time trying to sell himself as authentic to the parents, promising to not break JoJo's heart but also totally forgets to ask for her hand in marriage from her dad (a formality for JoJo). On the other hand, Robby doesn't make this critical error and gets the OK from Doctor Paper and Mama Fletcher to marry Joelle. Robby tells the fam about his early "I love you" and stresses his undying commitment to make his life work around hers. In case you're wondering, the Fletchers are pretty much full on Team Robby at this point. He's the "logical" choice according to the post-meeting recap. JoJo wants to defend Jordan until she learns he didn't ask for her hand in marriage and she's annoyed. She's torn between both men and the lives each could offer her, both of which involve a lot of hair styling products.

JoJo hopes that by the end of her final date with Robby she'll have more clarity about which guy is the right choice for her. A tuk tuk escorts them to the beach so they can makeout in the ocean and use their underwater camera for three seconds. Robby tells JoJo about their perfect future together with a comfy couch, dog, laughing kids, and burnt meatloaf. JoJo comes to Robby's hotel room for one last pre-proposal night of love declarations. Gonna be honest, Robby is becoming a broken record of his JoJo feelings at this point and she has no issues knowing where he stands since he doesn't shut up about it. Robby's craft project of love begins with photos "he" had printed so they can reminisce about the relationship JoJo, and viewers, never expected.

JoJo and Jordan's final date is a major upgrade from just having the tuk tuk drop you off at the beach. They sail out on a boat (like a fancy one you'd use to maroon castaways on Survivor) and then kayak through caves to eventually sit on a beach and talk. JoJo hopes her last date with Jordan will help answer all her lingering questions about their possible future, such as not getting the family blessing. JoJo doesn't think Jordan is ready if he didn't ask for her family's permission, feeling uneasy at the idea of accepting a proposal with THA BLESSING. Jordan didn't ask because he's worried about not 100% knowing it's him, so he'd rather wait to ask until he knows JoJo's choice. It's the most confusing conversation to listen to and especially recap. JoJo has doubts again, which leaves their night portion of the date to be one last round of damage control. Much like Robby's broken record, Jordan's got the same issue with him rambling on and on that he wants to be with JoJo. We are left without a craft project gift of love which leaves me in shambles.

A tradition almost as beloved as dumping someone right before they propose, Neil Lane shows up to help the guys pick their possible engagement ring for JoJo. But before making such an expensive decision that they're not even on the hook for, Jordan calls JoJo's parents to finally get permission to marry her. To make sure JoJo knows fully that he loves her and has taken the steps for the future, Jordan writes a letter which is delivered to JoJo so she'll know how much he wants to be with her. Not to be outdone, Robby also wrote her a letter to declare his love for the zillionth time. Ugly cries abound for letters! Who will JoJo choose?!

It's proposal rejection time! JoJo looks stunning in her ethereal dress as the winds of Thailand blow the chiffon. Robby arrives first in his navy blue suit and pink tie, unaware he took a ride in the Limo of Rejection. JoJo compliments said suit and then proceeds to make the most uncomfortable faces ever while Robby professes his love for her. JoJo stops him just shy of the proposal and explains she wanted it to be him so much but her heart is somewhere else. His extremely tan face gets even redder from the sadness and sweat growing from his rejection. He's a classy dude and wishes her luck before lamenting his loss in his Uber of Rejection. JoJo feels absolutely terrified for breaking the heart of the tannest man in this show's history.

JoJo heads back out to the beautifully painted patio on the beach to await a proposal from Jordan. He's also wearing a navy suit because it's one last time for JoJo's suitors to look alike (but he opts for a navy tie). Jordan departs the Uber of Victor and heads down to finally give JoJo that confirmation she's wanted. Jordan tells JoJo he's in love with her, she's his best friend, and his soulmate. JoJo tells Jordan how much she loves him back and is happy to finally be able to say it because she's no Ben Higgins dropping lots of ILUs. Jordan gets down on one knee and proposes to Jordan with a pretty stunning oval-cut engagement ring (it's not a halo!) and she says yes. But there's one last yes to give: yes to the final rose.

After the Final Rose

One last awful reunion to recap! Robby's brought out to relive his rejection and get the answers he "deserves." Robby was so confident he honestly thought he was the only dude in Thailand and JoJo had dumped Jordan earlier. Robby's no longer in love with JoJo thanks to the help of his family and friends and respects JoJo who helped him see the love he deserves. Sadly his friends didn't help him tailor down all the accessorizing on his suit - damn! Robby wants to know why JoJo told him she loved him while simultaneously dumping him. She didn't want to discredit the feelings she felt for him and while she did fall in love with Robby, she was always in love with Jordan on a different level. He's all good and glad he got closure, blah blah... gonna be honest, I tune Robby out. Sorry.

A mega-tanned JoJo in her beige toga dress almost gives her feedback on who should be the next Bachelor before Chad interrupts on the audience that it should be him. She's reunited with Jordan for their first public showing as a couple and address how it's been had to deal with all the tabloids and internet smack talk about each other. Jordan says that real life has helped the couple communicate and be actual human beings outside of the magical allure of reality TV dates. For a happy couple though, JoJo is rarely smiling during any of this and pursing her lips constantly. Guess all the tabloid nonsense has irritated these two to death, I guess? But hey, they get an exclusive People cover photo to make everyone know they're so happy! Jordan's moving to Dallas immediately and I've gotta say, I'm pleasantly surprised as I don't think the man has ever moved to the woman's city after this show is done. Just to crap on their happiness one more time, Chris Harrison brings up the Aaron Rodgers situation and basically Jordan ignores it as the two of them get physically uncomfortable in front of the camera. Ben Higgins gives his blessing and still hasn't shaved, and JoJordan get a free vacation.

The night ends with a preview of Bachelor in Paradise but no need to discuss... I'll be recapping it in 24 hours!

[All images credited to ABC]