June 27, 2016

The Bachelorette: Don't Cry For Me Argentina

6/27/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5

Everyone is excited to head to Argentina in their love quest, which definitely is a step above Uruguay in terms of romantic vacations. For some reason, Chris Harrison decides to show up to work outside the rose ceremony and interviews JoJo about her current state of mind. But guys, twist alert: there's ANOTHER 2-on-1 Thunderdome date coming. Yessss!

The first one-on-one date goes to radio DJ Wells, who sadly did not bring All 4 One with him to South America. Also, he's the only guy who hasn't kissed JoJo so this is a big ol' awkward date moment to come. They watch try some of the Fuerza Bruta live show stunts, including getting fake shot on a treadmill and slipping around a suspended pool. After a very horrible cheek kiss earlier in the date, JoJo leans in and kisses Wells in the pool and then they can't stop smooching. At dinner, Wells is extremely happy as he finally feels like he's come alive for JoJo. Par for the course, JoJo asks about his last relationship which was four years that evolved from romance into best friends. JoJo believes fairy tale, unicorn-love exists and Wells is obviously skeptical (or hates Disney movies). JoJo decides that while Wells is a great guy, he's likely not the guy she'll spend the rest of her life with and does not give him the date rose. And so Wells heads home in an Uber and JoJo cries alone in a rainy rave.

The group date guys meet up with JoJo in Buenos Aires in the La Boca district to walk around in their skinny jeans and not get wedgies while living it up like tourists. Drinks, tango, pick-up soccer - it's just missing the Evita soundtrack but I'm singing that along in my head. This is also the date narrated by James Taylor and his whole "I'm not the hot guy but I could be great" spiel and it's getting old pretty quick. The night portion of the date is JoJo hanging all over frontrunners Luke and Jordan, but they are wearing matching leather jackets with JoJo and matching jackets attract. It's known. James Taylor is falling for JoJo and decides to be the guy who has to tell her the "other side" of Jordan, which is people listen to him because he's attractive and F-list famous. There's like zero evidence, so they move on to kissing. James Taylor's tattling leads to JoJo tattling on him to Jordan about his "entitled" behavior during poker. Jordan defends himself while JoJo strokes his hair, then returns to the guys for some wine and awkward silence. Jordan confronts James Taylor about the use of the word "entitlement" and why a game of poker has led to this. Guys, just play Ticket to Ride next time where the rules are on paper. The group date rose goes to Luke and his lingering open mouth kisses that didn't take about poker table drama.

The 2-on-1 Thunderdome date is a standoff between Chase and Derek, two guys we have very little interest in. It's a seductive three-way tango battle, with both men trying to show their moves to JoJo. I have declared this dance the Menage a Tango. It's a lot of spinning JoJo between them and what I'll assume is her trying her hardest not to puke from motion sickness. After dancing they pretend to have dinner and definitely actually have drinks in order for JoJo to explore which guy she is more connected to. Derek tells JoJo he felt their dancing passion and she says he was like the Derek she first fell for and recently he's been a little less connected. Derek tells JoJo he's falling for her and she responses, "I appreciate thaaaat!" Chase might be saying he's falling for JoJo, but she doesn't truly feel the reciprocation of feelings on his side. JoJo urges Chase not to be scared and to express himself, but his monotone voice explains how he's fallen so fast. JoJo gives the date rose to Chase and eliminates Derek on the Thunderdome date. You know the rules: 2 enter, 1 leaves. Derek cries in an Uber while JoJo and Chase listen to a lady sing "Don't Cry for Me, Argentina." Well I got my Evita soundtrack though I was hoping for "And the Money Kept Rolling In"...

JoJo puts on a blue prom dress for the cocktail party/rose ceremony and ponders which guy she should dump this time. Jordan takes JoJo aside to let her know his intentions are true and he wants to be engaged at the end of this thing. Alex knows he's probably most screwed, but also could be James Taylor and his sad sack narrative he keeps giving himself. But a well timed "I'm falling for you" might be his saving grace. JoJo hands her first two roses to Robby and Jordan, but pulls the ol' Runaway Bride for the final rose. Chris Harrison eases JoJo down with little to no authenticity and takes the rose back. JoJo heads back into the Rose Ceremony sans rose and pulls the ol' switcheroo: Chris Harrison brings out a plate with two roses to save them both. Oh great, push the inevitable off for one more episode.

[All images credited to ABC]


June 26, 2016

Big Brother 18: Welcome Houseguests But First Some Twists

6/26/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Premiere

Hello everyone and welcome to another season of BIIIIIIIG BROTHERRRR! Julie Chen teases lots of twists BUT FIRST totally spontaneous in no way at all setup video packages to introduce the contestants. Natalie is an event coordinator/NFL cheerleader with ample cleavage. Paulie runs a gym and is the less attractive sibling of Cody from Big Brother 16. Bronte has a voice made for cartoon and aspires to be a mathematician in a house full of mactors. Victor has Jon Snow hair and likes to dance, Zakiyah is a beautiful pre-school teacher, Corey is a bland baseball coach, and Bridgette is a bland travelling ER nurse. Glenn is from the "Boogie Down Bronx", which he says so much I want to punch myself, and is a dog groomer and the oldest guy in the cast. Jozea is a makeup artist that wears a hat he must've stolen from Blossom into the house. Tiffany coincidentally sits on her Big Brother house key on the beach and reveals she is the sister of Vanessa Ruosso from last season, game mastermind and emotional wreck. Michelle is a nutritionist with a lot of outrageous fears and Paul has a massive beard and wears leather. I'm sure we'll hate all these people in about 11 days.

The first twelve houseguest are corralled on the stage for one last glimpse of the semi-real world before being locked away for the summer. After Julie urges them basically to hookup and play the game, the houseguests are slowly unleashed on the cool travel-themed house. The twelve new houseguests sit on the couch and begin their introductions and most avoid lying but there's definitely omissions (Bronte wants to be a mathematician! Tiffany and Paulie have siblings that were on Big Brother!) And apparently a heavy-handed edit about talking about who is attractive. Michelle notices the voice and looks of Tiffany are very similar to Vanessa from Big Brother 17. The houseguests aren't totally dumb though and notice twelve is a small amount of houseguests.

Cue the twists! Three to be exact! Julie Chen insists twist #1 is a big surprise, but when a house of dingdongs notice the population problem, it's not a shocker. There are four stowaways hiding in suitcases in the house: Nicole from BB16, Da'Vonne and James from BB17, and Frank from BB13. The newbies are not happy to have returnees come in for a second chance to win and vow to isolate the returnees. The stowaway returnees feel outnumbered and know they'll have to sway fans to their side. Knowing his cover could be blown at any spot, Paulie announces to the group his brother Cody was the season 16 runner-up. Tiffany is awkwardly silent because she doesn't want to confess her sister secret, but Da'Vonne is well aware of the identity of the brunette across from her.

Twist #2 is that the game this summer will be played in teams of four - an interesting twist I didn't see coming. How long it actually lasts is another story, but for now.. OK! The returnees are split up and get to essentially be team captains, drafting teammates in a schoolyard pick that are evenly split by gender. Here are the team breakdowns: Blue Team is Frank, Michelle, Paulie, Bridgette; Yellow Team is Da'Vonne, Paul, Zakiyah Jozea; Green Team is James, Natalie, Victor, Bronte; Red Team are Nicole Corey, Tiffany, Glenn. The competition is for the teams to sit and hold onto a rocket the longest - the first of many phallic competitions to come. In pure Big Brother fashion, they get "pooped" on by birds and hit by a storm with their oh-so-loved rain machine, all to make holding on even trickier. When the teams fall, they also win prizes/punishments. Yellow Team is the first team to fall and they are the inaugural Have Nots. The second team to fall is Blue, who will received a mystery punishment in the future. While not safe from eviction, the runner-up team wins $10k and that's the Red Team. The team to hang on the longest, Green, wins safety from the next two evictions, because there's going to be an eviction within the two-part premiere episode.

After a drawn out segment of the teams naming themselves (Blue - Category 4, Yellow - Big Sister, Green - Team Unicorn, Red - Freakazoids) and Tiffany admitting to Michelle that she is Vanessa Ruosso's sister, Julie Chen pops on the TV for one last twist. Team Unicorn gets to sit out the next three-round competition and the other three teams will compete. The winners of rounds two and three will be safe. The losing team has to then compete one more time, as individuals, and the ultimate loser is the first perfect evicted from the Big Brother house. More twist: the surviving three members of that team have to decide amongst each other which of them becomes the first HOH. And that, ladies and gents, is twist #3. Interesting, but a little BS to have competitions and not a vote or social element determine the eliminee. The "Hit the Road" round one competition is to build sand castle pyramid puzzles on a suspended being held up by their teammates, who are constantly being swapped out. It's an extremely tough competition which is extremely dull to watch with blocks being dropped constantly. Team Big Sister have some major communication issues between Da'Vonne and Paul, and Freakazoids drop their stack with one block to go - so Category 4 wins round one. Round two is to solve an actual big sand castle puzzle on the ground - no balancing. Big Sister's communication issues rear its head again but a mistake by the Freakazoids allows Big Sister to win. This means Nicole, Tiffany, Glenn, and Corey will battle against each other to remain in the house.

The final round of the competition has each person balancing on a deserted island, climbing up a tree to retrieve coconuts and complete the SOS message. Nicole and Tiffany complete theirs first, which leave it down to the men. Corey and Glenn grab their flags in a photo finish, but Corey grabs his slightly quicker than Glenn. It's not a surprise Glenn is eliminated and it's a Millennial house this summer. Neither Tiffany or Corey want the title, or power, of HOH which ends up playing right into Nicole's plan: she is named the first HOH, though they say it's because Nicole finished the competition first.

Paul is pretty upset at Nicole becoming HOH, because as king of the newbies and house loudmouth, Paul wants the returnees out of the house ASAP. But the newbies are warming up to the veterans, Tiffany, in a pre-competition vulnerable moment, revealed her identity to Da'Vonne. Paulie feels connected to the vets because his brother was on the show previously, which makes him have more of a target. Victor blabs his entire gameplay and strategy to Nicole while outing other people's game in the process (specifically Jozea). Jozea's not that bright either and outs his entire strategy and pecking order to Da'Vonne. This idiot AKA "messiah for the newbies" really earned his spot in the carnival themed Have Not room (enjoy sleeping in a bumper car!). Nicole is furious that she's Jozea's top target and reacts accordingly: by nominating him. To assure Jozea goes home, she decides to convince Paulie to be a pawn. Obviously Paulie doesn't want to be a pawn because he's seen the show before and knows pawns go home. But ultimately Nicole gets to make the final call and she sticks with her plan and nominates Jozea and Paulie for eviction.


[All images credited to CBS]


June 20, 2016

The Bachelorette: On the Way to Uruguay

6/20/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 4

Previously on The Bachelorette, Chad was eliminated in the 2-on-1 Thunderdome date. Then men rejoiced and their celebration continues with scattering the remainder of Chad's protein into the wind. Why the show didn't pay for "Dust in the Wind" music rights, I'll never know. For some reason, Chad gets to return to the house to pickup his luggage unlike any other person eliminated on a date. He returns and leaves unapologetically and I'm so relieved this is ending because this storyline is draaaagging. After this one last heavy-handed move from production, Chad is gone for good. See you in Paradise, Chad.

It's time for the cocktail party and rose ceremony, where the vibe is better without Chad around. Chase somehow gets ahold of giant inflatable hamster balls to bump into JoJo and weirdly kiss inside of it. Robby and JoJo toss coins into a fountain (which she asks him how to do it, like legit is this how you toss a coin in a fountain for luc) and kiss in full view of all the other men. James F writes JoJo a poem which is quickly interrupted by Alex, high off that I-survived-Thunderdome-date swagger. Even with a rose, Luke gets alone time to reiterate how awesome the date was and he's falling for JoJo. Jordan just snags JoJo and slams her into a wall for a passionate kissing sesh. With Chad out, the guys suddenly realize there's way more enemies than the deli-platter lover. Joining Chad in the just booted club is his buddy Daniel and James F, whose poem apparently failed him. The night ends with one last surprise: the gang is going international! To Uruguay. Guys, we're scraping the barrel for destinations at this point.

Jordan gets the 1-on-1 date to the dismay of all who dreamt of a romantic solo date with JoJo in Uruguay. Also, the guys are beginning to question Jordan's motives - is he there for the right reasons? And how about Jojo? She knows he is a former pro-quarterback and InTouch Magazine, which for some reasons these guys possess, say she's in love with her ex and not there for the right reasons either. Oh drama! But it distracts from JoJo and Jordan's date of cruising on a yacht and swimming in seal-infested water. Apparently JoJo knows Jordan's ex and has heard stories about him, so wants to address her uneasiness with him now before she's too deep. Here's my question: JoJo knew of Jordan before this show because of this girl - did she know Jordan would be on the show? I'm confused. Anyways, Jordan says he didn't cheat but admits being a crappy boyfriend. Also in their severely edited down date, Jordan apparently told JoJo he's beginning to fall in love with her. She's of course quite happy with this and gives Jordan the date rose, followed by a stroll to a mariachi band and kissing and dancing in the street.

The group date guys are all nervous about a weird date knowing what they read in InTouch, but producers tip off JoJo who is furious. She assures the men she's here for the right reasons and they're all back to Team JoJo. After all the drama, the fun returns with a date surfing down sand dunes. At night they head to The Grand Hotel for drinks and JoJo time. Derek is the awkward guy who is starting to feel jealous about the other connections and worries his connection with JoJo might be weakening. Alex can't stand Derek's insecurity and when Derek gets the date rose as "reassurance", Alex is even more pissed.

JoJo befriends a stray dog before abandoning it for her 1-on-1 date with overly tan Robby. It's the typical tourist date where they walk around, snack, and bother street vendors. They eventually to decide to go cliffjumping in what I hope is a sanctioned area. Once they crash into the water they share a kiss. JoJo's into Robby, but Robby's WAY into her - like ready to say "I love you" already which is a bit much. While not eating the salad sitting in front of them, Robby and JoJo talk about their chemistry. Robby opens his heart up to JoJo about the passing of his best friend, which motivated him to change his whole life including ending a long relationship and quitting his job. Then Robby tells JoJo he loves her. JoJo is not appalled and instead flattered and appreciative. Robby receives the date rose and they head down to kiss on the beach under some planned fireworks.

The guys convene for the cocktail party but there's a weird vibe, so Derek pulls aside the "mean girls" Alex, Jordan, Chase, and Robby. Derek thinks the guys are cliquey and while Jordan apologizes, Alex ain't having it. Jordan also apologizes to the group if he's excluded anyone at all. Everyone is just like, "Um, I'm here to not get eliminated and get a rose to leave the drama behind." JoJo nixes the cocktail party since she already knows who she's vibing with and it's onto the Rose Ceremony. JoJo eliminates Grant the firefighter, Vinny the barber, and Evan the ED specialist. No one is surprised.

[All images credited to ABC]


June 19, 2016

Big Brother 18 Pre-Show Winner Prediction

6/19/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , , No comments
Hello summer and hello houeseguests! It's time for another season of Big Brother and expecting the unexpected (while also us viewers totally being able to expect all the twists). Already in the house we have two siblings of former players (Cody from BB16'S brother, Vanessa from BB17's sister) and remarkably small cast. Well already we can expect four more houseguests in this first week and no one will be surprised if they are returnees.

As I do every season, and fail oh so miserably, I watch all the videos on CBS.com and read the contestant bios and try to predict the winner. Will this season go any better? Expect the unexpected?

Melissa predicts...


Michelle will win Big Brother 18.

I've got good vibes on the ladies this season! I really liked the females while I felt many of the men were easier targets to go after or super bland (Corey is a generic hottie picked for showmances - right?). Ultimately I chose Michelle, a cute Big Brother superfan who seems like she could be a good, under-the-radar ally who makes it to the end. She looks like Nicole from BB16 and compares her gameplay to Ian, the superfan who defied the odds to win. Tiffany is Vanessa Ruosso's sister and while she plans to play differently than Vanessa, but that attachment alone will make her an early target. But if she can get around that initial target, she might be someone who I'll regret not picking. Zakiyah is gorgeous and another who caught my eye, and I was surprised by how much I liked Natalie. I'm rooting for her girl's alliance to finally come together because this batch of men are real snoozers. Except Paul. Paul is awesome and the only guy I think could take the win or that I'll likely even root for. Even with the rumors of the returnee's identities, and while I like several of them, I don't think any will actually stand a chance at winning.

Who do you think will win Big Brother 18? Use the handy form below to submit your pre-show winner prediction. Winners will receive [a picture of a] trophy at the end of the season! And in case you want to pick a returnee, you can select that option now AND I'll re-open the pick after the returnees are announced to allow you one day to chance your pick - but only to a returnee.



[All images credited to CBS]


June 7, 2016

The Bachelorette: Don't Poke the Chad Bear

6/07/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3- Part 2

We pick up right where the last episode left off with Chad talking to Chris Harrison and re-entering the house to make amends. Evan asks for a new shirt and apology; Chad's like fine, I'll give you twenty bucks and promises he won't get violent. The end. JoJo arrives at the house for the all day pool party, where it's all laughs, margaritas, and ogling JoJo. Somehow Evan gets a nosebleed diving into a pool because he's that guy. JoJo gets more time with Jordan and she's totally into him already and isn't sure he's as into her, which makes her nervous and Jordan realizes he needs to show his vulnerability. Chad defends his earlier comments about Evan, but Evan interrupts yet again and out comes pissy Chad. And when he overhears Derek talking about him, Chad decides to confront Derek. Derek thinks Chad is there for TV and while he hasn't been violent yet, he sees it as a possibility; Chad just wants to be left alone. Well he'll have to tolerate the guys a little while longer because he receives a rose, much to the chagrin of the others, and instead JoJo eliminates Christian, Ali, and Nick.

The guys depart the Bachelorette mansion for their big adventure of love starting with... Nemacolin, Pennsylvania. Guys I have no idea where it is either but apparently it allows for JoJo to arrive in a tiny plane and the guys can go muddin'. Chad takes some alone time, as usual to sit and ponder, and hopes the guys don't poke the "Chad Bear" as the show cuts to a shot of a wandering black bear. Spirit animal power activate! And then he bickers with the guys a lot more, but I'm tired of recapping it so you can just imagine Chad arguing with the guys over and over and threatening to fight them outside.

Luke receives the first 1-on-1 date in beautiful Pennsylvania where they go dog sledding, but on land because the show is too broke for Alaska I guess. That lasts for 30 seconds before hopping into a wood fire tub AKA rustic hot tub that they overheat with too much wood. JoJo likes that Luke is attractive but also a country boy. That night, the couple head to their private dinner where we get backstory of why Luke seems like a mysterious drifter in the night. Turns out he was recruited by West Point to play football and eventually deployed to Afghanistan, which matured him a lot. After a friend died, it made Luke value life for every minute. JoJo emotionally connects with Luke, giving him the date rose and surprising him with some slow dancing in front of a loud iPhone pic snapping crowd at another exclusive concert. JoJo is totally smitten with Luke.

The group date guys get to peace out of Nemacolin and head to Heinz Stadium in good ol' Pittsburgh for a football date. "Big Ben" Roethlisberger, Heinz Ward, and Brett Keisel are there to train the guys and make them run drills. I know Big Ben is a Pittsburgh hero but I think his criminal background should have maaaaaybe omitted him from a show about dating. Back to JoJo's guys. They play hard to impress and win time with JoJo. James Taylor cuts his head and gets bandaged (someone check him for CTE!) and yet again Evan gets a mysterious nose bleed. Since he was a former NFL quarterback, Jordan gets to be on both times and guarantees himself the night portion of the date which must make JoJo very happy since the team that won is mostly guys she's clearly not into. The winners get a cocktail party to get their earned JoJo time. Robby has had little time with JoJo but apparently they feel a mutual connection, so he lifts her onto the pool table to makeout which is so cringey. JoJo wants Jordan to be more vocal about his feelings because he's hard to read, so he explains in front of a water fountain that he's falling for JoJo and they kiss. Jordan gets the group date rose which is no surprise at all.

In a wonderful stroke of evil genius, the produers put rivals Chad and Alex together on a 2-on-1 Thunderdome date. Two men enter, one man leaves! Before departing for the date, Chad gives some threatening parting words to threaten Jordan - then heads out for some romance! Chad and Alex are flown in a helicopter (H.R.E.A.M.!) and meet JoJo in the middle of nowhere for a hike. Giving the guys a machete and axe is also an excellent idea. The trio sit down for an extremely uncomfortable level of silence before splitting off for alone time with each guy. Alex uses his time to rip on Chad so that he can't manipulate JoJo, who is surprised to find out Chad's a lot more ragey than she realized. In her alone time with Chad, JoJo expresses her confusion at all the threats she's heard about and he tries to kinda deny/kinda finesse the story. JoJo doesn't like the threats of violence as a way to deal with emotions, and when she leaves Chad takes his anger out on a poor camping mug and throws it into the river. Chad heads back to tell Alex he's not mad but disappointed (such a dad-like move) and they get into it, AGAIN. JoJo ain't down with the physical violence threats so she dumps Chad and gives the date rose to Alex, leaving Chad alone in the woods and I hope they left him a tent. The men celebrate with champagne and confetti poppers at Chad's demise.

But just when you think he's gone, he ain't! There's a knock on the front door AND a creepy squeaky finger drag. IT'S CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD.

[All images credited to ABC]


June 6, 2016

The Bachelorette: Ripped Shirts and Bruised Egos

6/06/2016 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3 - Part 1

Chase receives a "Let's get physical" date card and sadly, it is not an Olivia Newton-John themed date. Instead it's JoJo trying yoga for the first time, so the show sends her on tantric yoga that has the couple screaming and shouting in the unsexiest ways (apparently called "angergasms"). JoJo realizes this idea for a yoga date was a terrible idea, but at least she look at Chase who is hot. A tantric stare pose leads to a super sexy first kiss and both are like "Yeah, OK, yoga's cool now." Later they share a romantic evening getting to know each other at a vineyard. Chase is a child of divorce so takes marriage very seriously. JoJo likes how she saw the fun, serious, and genuine sides of Chase so she gives him the date rose. The date ends with the season's first private concert by Charles Kelley, and I have never heard of him but I do know Charlie Kelley from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia so I am in a GIF hole right now of that weirdo.

There's a big group date and SHOCKER, Chad is not happy to be on a group date and would rather sit it out instead of sharing. Meanwhile, Evan pretty much cries when he gets invited. The guys are already pretty sour on Chad so this is just another item to add to the Chad Shitlist. Jordan makes a joke that hopefully the date is a bench press competition not a spelling bee, Chad gets pissed and throws a lowball right back, calling Jordan a "27 year old failed football player". Alex jumps in to get his shot at Chad too. It's all so uncomfortable so let's bring on that date!

If you were wondering if they could keep the uncomfortable level high with this group, the answer is hell yes! The guys are invited to a theater performance with a woman faking an orgasm and telling her sexual tales. Cue the dropped jaws of the men. Surprise: the guys are the special guests and they'll share their sex stories on stage! The men have 45 minutes to prepare and some are ready to spill all the tea, others (basically Chad) don't want to talk about the past and think it's a little early in the process to tell their sex secrets. The guys have some fun with their stories, really getting the crowd of ladies giggling and JoJo looking like she's going to pee her pants. Evan the Erectile Dysfunction Specialist decides to use his entire performance as "cautionary story" about using steroids, meant to be a direct diss at Chad. Chad is last on stage and uses his storytime to bring JoJo on stage and try to kiss her, but she turns away. The guys are elated to see him crash and burn, literally chest bumping to celebrate like bros do.

The night portion of the date is drinks and JoJo time at this restaurant that is borderline antiques store/hoarders nest. JoJo gets some great time with guys and knows she's looking for a best friend who she can spend her life with a feel safe. Cue Chad's entrance after the word "safe" for some wonderful Bachelorette editing. The guys ask Chad about JoJo avoiding his kiss early, and he's not that upset, but is more pissed about Evan bumping into him after the performance. On the reverse, Even feels Chad became physically aggressive with him and tells Chad he wishes he got an apology right after the incident. Chad's answer is "leave me alone". Finally Chad gets his alone time with JoJo where he discusses disliking group dates and his rivalry with Evan. Evan interrupts Chad's time and tells JoJo if Chad stays, he will leave. JoJo decides to offer the group date rose to Evan and I'm surprised he didn't nearly cry tears of joy again. Chad is shocked and vocalizes his confusion about Evan getting the rose, and his disrespect irks JoJo. The date ends and the guys board the most depressing party bus home with Chad seething.

James Taylor is the recipient of the last 1-on-1 date and I must remind you, it is not the singer/songwriter from the 70s, but instead a new singer/songwriter we won't remember in a year. The couple get all dolled up in some vintage threads and get swing dancing lessons from an old lady at the Culver Hotel, and those lessons are needed cause James Taylor can't dance. After a horrible lesson, JoJo and James Taylor join in with a bunch of pro swing dancers outside, dancing like crap but having a blast. Later they take the classic car up to makeout point to sip unknown beverages from thermoses and try to make a romantic connection. JoJo likes James Taylor's "zest for life" and he opens up about being a homely kid and getting teased. JoJo digs James Taylor and gives him the date rose off the dashboard. Apparently James Taylor smuggled along his guitar so wraps the date with a song just for JoJo that thankfully has more words than "JoJo" over and over.

The guys don't feel comfortable with Chad around so they take a logical approach to it all: hire a security guard. Daniel explains to Chad the guys think he's a loose cannon since he punched a door and gets mad a lot. After some poorly phrased analogies to Hitler, Mussolini, and Donald Trump, the moral of Daniel's poor references is that being friends with Chad is making him look bad too. The guys wonder what will happen with Chad at the Rose Ceremony, but it's to be continued so guess what? No cocktail party! It's an all-day pool party instead! The guys are excited except for Evan who quickly follows Chris Harrison out to tattle that Chad ripped the back of his shirt and punched a door. Chris Harrison takes Chad aside to let him know the guys are afraid of him and Chad defends himself. Since there's a no violence policy, Chris Harrison tells Chad to go inside and make nice. Gonna guess this is NOT going to be a happy ending. But we'll find out TOMORROW!

[All images credited to ABC]