February 6, 2017

The Bachelor: Calling All the Basic Beaches

2/06/2017 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 6

Picking up from last week's cliffhanger, Taylor resurrects herself from the bayou to interrupt Nick and Corinne's date to call her a liar one last time. It doesn't work and Corinne and Nick continue to makeout while she gloats about having a rose. Speaking of rose, there's a Rose Ceremony! Nick doesn't even need to time to fake talk to the ladies at a cocktail party and gets right down to rose business. The trio of roseless ladies are Josephine, Jaimi, and Alexis the dolphin shark, just one date away from potentially seeing marine wildlife in St. Thomas.

Nick's first date in St. Thomas is a 1-on-1 with Kristina, who we know little about except she's a dentist with a Russian accent. Over beers, Kristina reveals a bit more about her family then heads out in the ocean with Nick to kiss in the waves. After honestly two minutes of day date airtime, the show jumps right to fake dinner date. Kristina shares that while she has a sister, her sister lived with her dad. Kristina and her now deceased mother were extremely poor, so much so that Kristina ate lipstick because she was hungry. Kristina ended up in an orphanage until she was 12 years old when she was adopted. Nick admires Kristina's strength and apparently had a good time (which we apparently didn't see), so he gives her the date rose. They leave dinner to partake in some dancing and smooching by a steel drum band and a group of local dancers.

The group date girls (Rachel, Raven, Jasmine, Corinne, Danielle M, and Vanessa) meet Nick to take a catamaran ride on the sparkling ocean and head for a chill beach day. Cocktails and cornhole aren't quite the fun level the girls want, so they throwback some shots and play volleyball. Turns out Nick's idea for a fun group beach day is a total disaster. Corinne passes out drunk, Jasmine is livid that she's never had a 1-on-1 date, and all the others girls hate having to compete to get Nick's attention. Nick hopes the night portion of the date won't be such a hot mess, apologizing to the women for their shitty day. This is basically the Festivus date with all the girls airing their grievances about the polyamory process. As each girl gets alone time and Jasmine is left on the couch to sip red wine, she's bubbling with anger over being ignored. Nick finally takes Jasmine aside and she puts it all out there for him, including wanting to choke him (a joke choke, guys!) Nick has a moment of clarity and/or fear, and dumps Jasmine on the group date.

Danielle L and Whitney are in the worst predicament of them all: a 2-on-1 Thunderdome date. The Corinne vs. Taylor date was over-hyped, but the two women on this week's date are TV bores even when given The Bachelor blessing of a helicopter date. Nick, Whitney, and Danielle are dropped off on a gorgeous beach with a giant bed for them to all awkwardly sit on. Nick gets alone time with both women but ultimately dumps Whitney, which surprises her but not us since none of us know who she is. Nick peaces out with Danielle on the helicopter and whisks her to a romantic old prison for dinner. Their conversation is as terrible and dull as always, with Danielle talking about how dancing is "their thing." Nick looks horrendously bored as Danielle talks about being on the same page and starting to fall in love with him. If his face wasn't a giveaway, then the actual rejection is and Nick opts to send Danielle home also. 

The women are surprised that both pieces of luggage were taken away, but even more surprised when a snot-sniffling Nick comes into their hotel room to cry that he fears this reality TV dating thing might not work out again. FOR THE FOURTH TIME.

[All images credited to ABC]