February 13, 2017

The Bachelor: Platinum Vagine

2/13/2017 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 7

Nick's all shook up after his emotional double dumping on the 2-on-1 date. Nick seems solace and advice from Chris Harrison, because who the hell else is he allowed to talk to? Nick's concern is this process won't work for the fourth time. I hate to be a cynic buuuuut probably not. Nick heads back to the hotel to apologize to the women for barging into their hotel the night before to cry about this experience. He then begins to awkwardly ramble on about his feelings and doubts, ultimately landing on he does have strong feelings for all six remaining women. The women all exhale a major sigh of relief that Nick isn't quitting and they're all heading to Bimini, a real place I had to Google.

Vanessa gets her second 1-on-1 date which requests they "get deeper" and I'll refrain from the obvious jokes that I reeeeeally want to make. Nick takes Vanessa on a yacht, which is apparently Vanessa's first boat ride ever (I guess she's never boarded the Pirates of the Caribbean at Disney World before). The two have genuine conversations about Nick's feelings and Vanessa's feelings and they're back in a good place. They debark to snorkel and makeout by a shipwreck, which is truly a metaphor for this season. Vanessa and Nick dry off and head into their "dinner" where Vanessa thanks Nick for all the firsts and teases more firsts for them (saying "I love you" not banging!) Vanessa hopes to introduce Nick to her family next week and expresses that she hasn't had feelings like this in years: it's love. Vanessa is falling in love and he has feelings as well, but is only going to say it to one woman this season AKA not pulling a Higgins. Turns out that is not the answer Vanessa wanted to hear and now she's concerned she might end up the heartbroken one at the end of this.

Kristina, Raven, and Corinne are chosen for the group date, which infuriates Corinne since she's never received a 1-on-1 date. Girl, it's cause you are group date gold and the only generator of conflict. The only date rose of the week is also on the line so everyone is trying to up their ante to get Nick's attention. It's another yacht date because god forbid anyone grab some travel brochures for Bimini before going there. However the yacht does stop to do something cool: swim with sharks! And not in cages! Poor Alexis the dolphin lover who dressed like a shark would have loved this date. Kristina gets freaked out and bails early, so Nick comforts her on the boat and it annoys Corinne. Fast forward to the night portion of the date, where Nick gets teary about having to break five more hearts. Raven opens up about leaving law school after her father was diagnosed with lung cancer and knows they'll be excited to meeting him. Corinne finally gets her alone time and expresses her disappointment at always being a group date girl and Nick's like, chill I talk to you all the time. The night ends with the super exclusive date rose going to Raven and they ditch the other two for a semi-private concert by some good looking dude.

Danielle M, the last Danielle standing, joins Nick for a 1-on-1 date that doesn't take place on a yacht: they ride bikes. With swim trunks that tight, I'm shocked Nick didn't rip the crotch trying to pedal. The couple buys some trinkets and shoot hoops with local kids, but when it comes time to have a conversation Nick and Danielle struggle. Fast forward to their nighttime date where the conversation is as dull as the daytime iteration. Danielle is having a difficult time because the last time her family met a guy, her previous fiance, he passed away. She decides to open up to Nick about how much she cares for him but Nick doesn't see himself falling in love with Danielle so he lets her go. The end of the reign of Danielles.

Concerned of losing the affection of Nick and the chance at a hometown date, Corinne throws on her cute romper to surprise Nick at his hotel room. They pop open the champagne and have unofficial 1-on-1 time which Corinne hopes will lead to her sexing Nick up with her "platinum vagine." They head to the bedroom and start getting sexy with the mics on before Nick stops her. Listen, he's already created chaos on one season with early sex, he's not doing it again.

Nick takes Rachel out for the last date of the episode, sipping beers at a local outdoor bar and talking about her family. Nick wants to know how a family visit would be and she gives him the 411. Rachel has never brought home a white guy and her family will likely be skeptical but maybe that's because this is Nick's fourth time dating on reality TV. After shooting the shit with the friendly bartender and signing their names, they makeout on a dock. It's the fastest Bachelor date ever probably because Rachel is a guaranteed hometown date.

While it seems like a Rose Ceremony may actually happen on an episode, Nick throws us a curveball and decides to dump the woman in private. Nick heads to the women's cabana and asks Kristina to talk for a second. He has stronger relationships with the other women right now which hurts her, as she feels Nick didn't give her as much of a chance. Nick doesn't want Kristina to go but unfortunately he has to let her go. Kristina cries and then all the other girls cry because maybe more will be eliminated. Guess we'll find out next week.

[All images credited to ABC]