June 5, 2017

The Bachelorette: Never Have I Ever Blogged About Horse Poop and Bananas

6/05/2017 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

Picking up where last week left off, DeMario returned to the Bachelorette mansion to tell his side of the left-my-kinda-girlfriend-to-be-on-reality-TV story. Rachel agrees to hear him out and DeMario explains he screwed up and should have been honest. Unfortunately, Rachel isn't accepting bullshit or allowing him back in the house. She tells him to move forward, but forward isn't into the mansion (but it's probably forward to Bachelor in Paradise). Now back to cocktail party and rose ceremony nonsense!

Johnathan the "tickle monster" charms Rachel with giant foam hands that are probably the size of a five year old child. That's not the last of props a there's a Rubix cube, kid's basketball hoop, and photos of children. But the prop comedy fun has to be paused for the never-ending rivalry of Blake and Whaboom Lucas, which is an accusation that Blake ate a peeled banana over a sleeping Lucas. Well Blake doesn't eat carbs so this is total blasphemy according to him. I can't get over that Rachel, an accomplished woman and attorney looking for love, has to deal with two grown men antagonizing each other about eating bananas. It's a surprise only to the two of them that they are both eliminated at the Rose Ceremony because Rachel doesn't have time for banana BS. Outside the mansion, Blake and Lucas get into a shouting match with a lot of pantomiming and weird voices.

Rachel brings the six group date guys to see her appear as a guest on The Ellen Degeneres show but surprise, they're going to be on Ellen too! As everyone anticipated, the guys have to dance shirtless to a fake version of Ginuwine's "Pony" (guess they blew the episode's budget on Ellen's appearance fee). To get more dirt about the guys, Ellen has them play "Never Have I Ever" and Rachel appreciates getting the answers, including Alex admitting to peeing in the pool, all the nude selfies texted, and that Fred hooked up with a much older woman. The date moves along to their night cocktail party, where Fred realizes he's real behind the ball in terms of kissing Rachel. And so Fred asks her to kiss, then goes in for the kiss - it's not as good as he thinks. Rachel doesn't reciprocate the feelings for Fred, still viewing him as the kid from camp years ago, and lets him go. The group date rose goes to Alex, who charmed Rachel with their conversation and keen skills to notice Rachel makes eye contact with his left eye.

Anthony goes on the 1-on-1 date to ride horses down fancy-schmancy Rodeo Drive. Stores desperate for good PR allow Rachel and Anthon to ride their horses into the stores and of course a horse poops inside a boutique. Blame it on the Sprinkles Cupcake ATM horse cupcakes (which are allegedly a thing). Later the couple shares a romantic evening under the stars with an amazing view of LA behind them. Anthony talks about his childhood and feeling rich with love, which makes him want to be a great dad too. Rachel loves how brave Anthony was to ride a horse on Rodeo Drive for the first time and open up to her; he gets the date rose. A random quartet is up in the hills with them to serenade them for dancing and kissing. Classic Bachelorette.

Rachel's friends from last season stayed in town a little bit longer than the first episode so that they could help plan the final group date of the week: mud wrestling. The bar is full of rowdy women cheering to see the men get shirtless and wrastle, so it's basically what went down at Ellen but with physical fighting. While Kenny the professional wrestler was the assumed shoo-in for the battle, it's some rando named Bryce with that wins. But in a dance off, Kenny's gotta win because he reveals he used to be a Chippendale's dancer. Rachel asks her girls about who they like (Dean) and who are they not sure about (Eric). Rachel gets to talk to Eric, who has been really insecure about their connection and it moving slow; Rachel reassures him of their connection. But where Eric gets really upset is the accusations by Bryce and Lee that maybe he's not here for Rachel. Eric ends up getting the group date rose and this might be the beginning of a new rivalry.

Come cocktail party/rose ceremony time though, it's time for the men to tattle. Iggy got yelled at by Eric, so he tells Rachel that Eric questioned if she was genuine. Lee hops along and tells Rachel about the yelling. Rachel talks to Eric and asks him straight up if he questions her being genuine, especially after she felt good after their group date talk. Rachel warns that she's on high alert but believes him for now. Eric returns to call a group meeting which starts as "focus on Rachel" and turns into "my name is in your mouth!" Oh boy, drama time... buuuut to be continued until next week.

[All images credited to ABC]