January 29, 2018

The Bachelor: Frogging and Bowling All Night Long

1/29/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 5

Arie takes the women to Fort Lauderdale, Florida because it's "sexy" and has yachts. Or maybe because he has the habits of a retired man. The only thing more surprisingly than this lame date destination is Maquel returns to the show after her grandmother's funeral.

Chelsea the single mom, her only characterization thus far, joins Arie on a yacht for the first 1-on-1 date of the week. So many cringe-worthy things happen on this date including re-enacting Titanic which might be part of maritime law now, referring to the yacht and Arie as "dreamboats," and a straddle makeout sesh on a jet ski. Over dinner at a classic car museum, Arie probes more into Chelsea the single mom's life and relationship with the father of her child. The date goes well and it's interesting to see Arie asking about someone rather than talking about his own childhood. Chelsea receives the date rose, then the couple slow dances at their own private concert among old Model T's.

What begins as a group date to chug beers and find clever ways to roll bowling balls to get Arie's attention turns into a true competition to remain on the date. Blue slaughters pink but Arie feels bad sending a bunch of girls home in misery over bowling so he lets them all stay. Krystal changes from sore loser to sore winner in a split second, refusing to go on the night portion of the date because Arie is a liar and didn't consult the winners (AKA her) for an opinion about inviting the losing team. Arie decides to check on Krystal like a babysitter because he doesn't think he was being deceitful or disrespectful, he just wanted to bowl (put that on his tombstone). He tells Krystal to stay behind, know that he's disappointed, and he'll see her in a few days. Disappointed dad mode activated. The date resumes and Arie has a grand old time connecting and kiss other women. But Krystal does not listen to her scolding and comes down to the date to frustrate the girls even more. The date rose goes to Lauren who plays 20 Questions with Arie and learns the important things like Arie's go-to breakfast order (which is also my go-to of eggs over easy and wheat toast - no word on if he also orders a butterscotch chip pancake).

For the last date, Arie takes Tia on an airboat in the Everglades and get up real close to a gator. They make a pit stop to meet a real interesting character who built his own cabin, loves froggin', and serves them a buffet of frog legs, catfish, a deep fried corn on the cob - a personal invention that I need to try immediately. Former country girl Tia gets a chance to get closer to Arie while explaining the intricacies of frogging. A romantic dinner is setup in some cabin filled with nautical antiques - or maybe it's a big storage shed. Tia talks about being a doctor of physical therapy, but the conversation keeps deeper about faith and the universe. Tia then says she is falling in love with Arie and he giggles and uses a baby voice that is very discomforting. Arie gives Tia the date rose and I'm more confident than ever that this is the beginning of Tia's setup to become the next Bachelorette.

The cocktail party kicks off in the greatest way: Arie having to say he wouldn't eat human flesh, per Kendall's book of weird questions. While the goal of the night is a private conversation with Arie, to fill the time the girls have 1-on-1s with Krystal to tell her how annoying she's been. Arie tells Krystal her poor behavior put them a few steps back. Krystal plays to play cutesy that it's their first fight, but he bluntly replies it could be their last. No one wants Krystal around, but producers do. She survives another rose ceremony and Arie eliminates Ashley, Marikh, and Maquel. Everyone is annoyed.

[All images credited to ABC]