August 21, 2018

Bachelor in Paradise: Stuffed Dogs and a Cooked Goose

8/21/2018 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

Picking up from last week, Tia confronts Chris AKA Goose and breaks things off with him since he was claiming to be into her but smooching Krystal. Of course Goose claims he made this decision first because he can't let anyone else be in control and sucks. Krystal's excited that Chris is free but also doesn't want to be the villain of the show again. Well the feelings are reciprocated so yay for them and Chris' horrible ripped jeans that he thinks are stylish. New arrival Jacqueline gets declined by Colton, so she takes Kenny on her date and they hit it off and kiss in front of fireworks. Annaliese is bummed because she likes Kenny or is just really trying to manifest a paradise relationship into existence. She tells Kenny her feelings and then they kiss, so maybe it all worked. Jubilee and Caroline both continue to compete for the affections of Venmo John, the King of Paradise. And in the latest Tia and Colton saga, Colton wonders if he should leave and Tia is upset he's not reciprocating feelings. Poor Bibiana has to be the one fighting for their relationship to happen, so finally Colton decides to choose Tia. FINALLY. MAKE IT STOP.

It's Rose Ceremony night and a storm's a brewin, and I'm not talking about the vomit-inducing moment of Astrid and Kevin eating a sausage Lady and the Tramp style. Other guys still have roses up for grabs. Venmo John is pulled between Caroline and Jubilee, while Kenny has three choices now: Jacqueline, Annaliese, and Bibiana, who throws her metaphorical hat into the ring. But these stories are a blip on the night's radar. First, Jordan arrives lookin' like a vacation baller in two-thirds of a three-piece Hawaiian-print suit (vest and pants). He's completely smitten with everything Jenna and she reciprocates the feelings but is a little torn with feelings for David, who gifts her with a giant dog likely stolen from a child at a nearby carnival. Jordan grabs the giant dog and throws it in the ocean, then gets real pissy and rude to everyone; he eventually apologizes. Despite the doggy drama, Jenna accepts Jordan's rose. David gives his rose to Chelsea because well, he has no one. Then there are the obvious roses: Kevin/Astrid, Chris the Goose/Krystal, Colton/Tia, Grocery Store Joe/Kendall, Eric/Angela. The only question marks of the night are Venmo John, who picks Jubilee, and Kenny, who gives his rose to Annaliese. Leaving Paradise are Nysha, Caroline, Bibiana, and birthday girl Jacqueline.

Leo arrives in Paradise with his curls on point and in a pineapple shirt because it's frickin' Paradise and takes Kendall on his date, a dagger to Grocery Store Joe's heart. Kendall and Leo pose and smooch in a photoshoot for the cover of Jorge the former Bartender's romance novel. People go on and on about the love stories of this show but the evolution of Jorge and the success he's achieved is personally my favorite Bachelor franchise story. Kendall returns and is extremely torn over having to possibly dump Joe because she's digging Leo, but then Leo is off flirting with Chelsea who has the hots for him and living his double standard best. Grocery Store Joe just hopes for a date card to woo Kendall back....

... Except Colton and Tia get a second date while most have never left that compound. They head to town and join a dance group run by my main man Jorge again, but are more surprised to see Raven and Adam, Tia's BFF and last season's success story. Raven does not approve of Colton and his intentions, so hooray another way to drag their Tia/Colton drama on. They resolve it and become an official couple, I stopped paying attention. After the dog doll slaughter, Jenna is very open to a new suitor. In walks Benoit from Bachelor Winter Games, former fiance of Clare from Juan Pablos' season, who asks his Canadian buddy Kevin for advice. Kevin recommends Krystal, but Benoit literally grabs Jenna and runs (it's consensual). Benoit brings Jenna on his date to an empty Italian restaurant and they makeout. Her red lipstick is smeared all over Benoit so he looks like an off-duty clown, and they Lady and the Tramp a churro all the way to sucking face status. Can't people just eat food on this show?!?

Jenna returns from her date to Jordan's giant "I'M SORRY" carved in the sand and he apologizes for his behaior and admits the strong feelings he has. But Jenna is confused with her feelings. What will she do?

[All images credited to ABC]