January 22, 2019

The Bachelor: Beautiful Monsters

1/22/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 3

The first group date girls head off to a live pirate show where the two best lady pirates battle head-to-head in front of a crowd (Tracy and Caelynn). Hannah B confesses to Colton that her and Caelynn are former pageant friends but had a falling out and implies Caelynn is a bad person. Colton feels confused by Hannah B saying there's no way he could be attracted to the both of them given their personality differences, but he ultimately chooses to give the group date rose to Caelynn. She wants to be happy but can't because Hannah B shit all over the night with drama. All over this overshadows everything else that happens which is pretty much Demi calling Tracy old again and blindfolding Colton and massaging him with a mannequin-hand massaging.

Colton takes Elyse on a helicopter ride to San Diego for their 1-on-1 date and it feels like producers dropped in this helicopter just to try to grab my interest. The pair get an entire theme park rented out just for them and their group date companions: kids! One little girl watches the show with her mom and I truly wish that child said, "They should have picked Blake" but alas, not so lucky. Colton runs a charity for children with cystic fibrosis so this is a date that means a lot to him and there are no virginity jokes, so A+ there. On the night portion of the date, Elyse reveals her sister passed away after childbirth due to a cancerous tumor and they also started a charity in her honor. Elyse gets the date rose AND a "private" concert in front of an audience. The sugar high from the cotton candy was much needed for this long but awesome date.

Actor Terry Crews and his wife Rebecca host the "Bachelor's Strongest Woman" competition to be declared the strongest of them all. Chris Harrison and Fred Willard are there to provide commentary as the women do impossible challenges that surely will give them hernias or other medical problems. Teeny Caitlin miraculous pulls a limo (thanks producers!) but Onyeka wins the trophy - and cake! Colton is very turned on by all the "strong, confident women" and does a lot of night-date kissing. Except with Caitlin where it's not progressing and there's no chemistry, so Colton cuts her loose early.

The house is shook at Chris Harrison's announcement that there's no cocktail party... cause there's a pool party! Colton hopes to lighten the mood while also getting the answers to his lingering questions with no shirt on. Colton assures Hannah G that their connection is very solid, that's why she didn't have a date this week. Hannah B wants to forget that she spent time shit-talking Caelynn, then decides to let her "beautiful monster out" should Caelynn dare talk shit about her. Caelynn does use her Colton time to say that Hannah B is manipulative and deceitful. Hey, it's what Hannah B called her too! But who is telling the truth? Hannah B tells Colton that if he picks Caelynn, he wouldn't ever see the true her. Oh his brain does not compute and the pool party is ruined.

At the Rose Ceremony, Colton keeps Hannah B so looks like we can "enjoy" this storyline for at least another week. Or until a 1-on-1 date.

[All images credited to ABC]


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