January 15, 2019

The Bachelor: Don't Touch That Rose

1/15/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 2

Comedians Megan Mullaly and Nick Offerman host the first group date where all the girls have to share their "firsts." It's boring overall minus Megan and Nick's cursing and sexual overtones. Elyse bravely talks about being over 30 on this show and Tracy tells a story about dating a virgin and getting punched in the face. Demi tells how "she got the first group date rose" by walking off stage a kissing Colton. The girls don't like Demi's 'tude/confidence and when Demi deigns to touch the group date rose on her own accord and not by the hands of Colton, Tracy confronts her. It leads to pretty much nothing and over-30-Elyse gets the group date rose despite Nicole opening up about her austistic twin and Hannah G reminding him of "home" - whatever that means.

Hannah B gets a birthday treat (is ittttt?) with a 1-on-1 date with Colton riding horses in the desert. Caelynn isn't happy her pageant rival Hannah B got the date and experts Hannah to shift her personality and snap or something. TV dating is not Hannah's forte so it's an uncomfortable date and a little cringey. After Colton encourages Hannah B that it's OK to not be perfect, so of course they talk about Colton's virginity. Ultimately, Hannah B opens up and gets comfortable so she gets the date rose and a kiss on an unmoving boat.

The second group date brings the girls to "Camp Bachelor" with grilling and games... and being shouted at by comedian Billy Eichner. When you have the dullest Bachelor ever, you bring in talent! The girls are divided into two teams to compete for a night at sleepaway camp or heading home early - like me when I went to YMCA camp in 5th grade! The red team wins more Colton time, which allows Heather to reveal to Colton that she's never even kissed a guy. One-upping the lead! Heather doesn't get a kiss from Colton but she does get the group date rose.

Come cocktail party, it's apparently turned into a young vs old battle which I imagine is divided by who can get a rental car and who cannot. Sydney gets interrupted by an air horn, so she returns the interruption by crashing a pan, and I'm pretty sure the caterers don't want their equipment damaged. The Tracy vs. Demi battle continues as a bathrobe-clad Demi interrupts Tracy's talk time to give Colton a massage. Demi apologizes, it's boring. Colton gives out roses, it's also boring and some women go home that I basically don't remember anyways. Not as torturous as week 1 but I still barely care. Thank you, next week.

[All images credited to ABC]