March 10, 2019

The Bachelor: Colton Jumps the Fence

3/10/2019 Posted by Mel Got Served , No comments
Week 9 - Fantasy Suites and Women Tell All

It's Fantasy Suite week and we've been waiting all season for it. Not because we want to see Colton bang (but the show does), but because he finally jumps the fence that we've seen in all the previews! Off to Algarve, Portugal to get it started and maybe Colton will make sweet, sweet love to someone he's in love with.

Colton and Tayshia hop on a helicopter to escort them to an epic cliffside view where they rehash the visit to Tayshia's hometown and make a lot of virginity jokes. Bone zone or not, Colton knows this overnight time without cameras is a good time to really get to know another person. Tayshia understands Colton's resistance to talk about his virginity (Ummm it's like all we hear about), and she opens up that she only slept with her ex-husband before marrying him and he cheated on her. Tayshia's excited for the next step and since her boob keeps falling out of her romper, seems like she's very ready to potentially be Colton's first. But she's not. Maybe some things happened, maybe they just talked and slept, but Colton's virginity is still intact. Also still intact, the breakfast setup for them that they never touch because Colton leaves pretty early. Colton's not in love with Tayshia yet but says hey maybe, you can't force feelings.

For date number 2, Colton and Cassie go full tourist complete with a convertible, feeding each other dessert, checking out shops, and smooching against alley walls. Colton's totally smitten with Cassie and can't keep his hands off her, which is what he wants in a wife. In fact, Colton believes his night with Cassie may be the night he finally enters the Bone Zone. Cassie is falling for Colton but also wishes they had more time and is thrown for a loop when Colton reveals that her dad did not give the marriage blessing during hometown dates. The fact that Cassie's family isn't sold on her relationship with Colton makes her really confused, so the show really ups the ante.

As Cassie prepares for the night portion of the date, she gets a surprise at the door: her dad. Cassie's dad wants her to think really hard about this possible commitment and if she's truly ready because she seems conflicted. Cassie isn't ready for the relationship to end, but also isn't sure about a potential proposal at the end. Sooo, the gossip in the house that she wasn't ready isn't totally wrong. Dad tells Cassie that you can't force feelings and there shouldn't be any doubt when she's found the one. And with doubts swirling in her mind about everything, Cassie heads to the night portion of the date and makes a bold decision: she's ending things with Colton. She loves Colton but she's not in love with Colton. He's absolutely crushed because he's in love with Cassie and wants to be with her and will be patient if she wants time. And thus begins Colton's breakdown after getting his heart destroyed. He hightails it out of his unused Fantasy Suite and bolts, hopping over the fence, and gets lost in the wilderness somewhere. Will we ever find Colton????? Oh yeah, probably, because he's at the Women Tell All.

And just when this week should be over, it's the Women Tell All special AKA be noticed enough to ensure your Bachelor in Paradise slot. So we get to endure Nicole and Onyeka again, and Courtney trying to shove a pacifier into Demi's mouth. You can't even hear what the women are telling because they're all shouting over each other. Caelynn tries to defend the conversation her and Cassie had about being The Bachelorette, but Katie insists Caelynn wasn't there for the right reasons and admitted over-the-phone the truth. Demi gets in the hot seat because she's great, and for some reason, Nicole gets a visit to the hot seat because she cries a lot and free year's supply of Halo Top ice cream. Hannah B's hot seat visit is an obvious campaign for Bachelorette because of her staunch belief of thinking everyone deserves a strong love that loves them back, with Chris Harrison toasting to her finding "fierce love". Caelynn gets really emotional watching the playback video and was blindsided by Colton dumping her. Colton comes out with a really weird haircut? Or maybe the color? Weird makeup? It's very Jake Pavelka and that's not a compliment. Colton still has no good answer to give Caelynn any true closure except that he didn't love her. The fence jump is discussed and Colton explains it feels crappy to not be loved back and just because you're The Bachelor doesn't mean you're invincible and guaranteed to have every girl love you. Then the bloopers roll and Colton says "Nailed it!" A LOT. And so now we wait to see how Colton's love story will end? Is this a psych-out like past seasons? Will Hannah G get a Fantasy Suite? Does Colton chase after Cassie? Has Colton banged? All answers to come in in the finale.

[All images credited to ABC]